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Codependency is about being unable or unwilling to meet our own mental, emotional, and physical needs and escaping into others to fill that void.
But when you rely on others for that fulfillment, you quickly see that they are unable to do that.
Then comes the resentment. The control. Constantly being offended when they set boundaries or show autonomy.
Underneath this is a little girl within screaming, “I need you to change in order to make me feel better. I want to consume you because I don’t know how to fulfill myself.”
To understand this better, think back to a moment when you were dealing with someone and it felt like there was no space for you. Their energy devoured you, and it felt like you were constantly responsible for their feelings. There was no freedom to connect with them because you felt inspired to, but it was always a feeling of obligation.
If you know how stifling that feels, then it’s important to make sure the respect you desire for your personal space is given to others too.
At the core of this tends to be childhood pain you are trying to run away from. A deep fear around losing love and being abandoned. A sense of self that isn’t properly grounded, which leads to losing yourself in others or looking to them to make you feel powerful. It puts a filter on the way you interact, ceasing to see others as humans but as objects to devour.
A lot of us have or have had this pattern, and admitting to where we are is the first step.
Now, what will you do about it?
The process of learning interdependence is the next step and is what will lead to sacred unions (either relationship or friendships) that feel like freedom—rather than obligation.