This article is written in partnership with Promescent—they’re dedicated to helping people have better intimacy, and we’re honored to work with them. ~ ed.
I’ve been the proud owner of a female body for 38 years now, and I’ve grown to love and respect the things this body can do.
But, like many women, my relationship with my body has also been complicated from the start.
And I’m just speaking as a cis-gender, heterosexual woman. For vulva owners of varying genders and sexual orientations, there’s a whole other minefield to navigate.
Regardless of where we fall on the gender and sexuality spectrum, though, we all deserve to experience more pleasure, satisfaction, and connection—with ourselves and our partner/s.
So, what’s not working for us, exactly? International speaker and sex researcher Melanie Curtin asked over 1,000 people (1.)—mostly identifying as female, mostly heterosexual (85% for both), with an average age of 37—about their top sex problems.
These are the most common issues she uncovered:
1. Trouble orgasming: 24%
This is such a common problem that it’s earned a catchy (if depressing) moniker: “the orgasm gap.”
Basically, it refers to the fact that, when having sex with one another, women tend to have far fewer orgasms than men do. The stats are a little different for non-heterosexual couples. (2.)
As with all problems between men and women, the root of the issue is complex, but the solution could be pretty simple, thanks to Promescent’s revolutionary products, developed to address a number of obstacles to our sexual fulfillment.
The original Promescent product, developed by founder and renowned urologist, Dr. Ron Gilbert and still most popular, is their Climax Control Spray for men.
How does a delay spray help women enjoy more orgasms? Well, one big disparity behind the “orgasm gap” is the difference between how long most women prefer sex to last (14 minutes) and the average time most men actually last before ejaculation (5.4 minutes).
Promescent’s Climax Control Spray is a totally unique topical solution because, rather than sitting on the surface of the skin, it absorbs just below the epidermis where it is much more effective and, if the directed wait time of 10-12 minutes is followed, not transferable to a partner.
As well as the duration boosting benefits, it also has fewer to none of the nasty side effects of other early ejaculation remedies (unless the user is allergic to one or more ingredients in the product or uses waaayy too much).
But it’s not enough for sex to just last longer, we want to maximise our enjoyment, too, right? That’s where Promescent’s Female Arousal Gel comes in.
Designed to target the most sensitive areas and deliver delightful effects within five minutes of application, this silky smooth water and silicone-based hybrid lube with a hint of peppermint and two vasodilators provides for an intense buzzing and warming sensation (trust me, I’ve tried it!) while promoting blood flow to the clitoris.
Best of all, it is paraben-free, simple to use (apply just five minutes before), and does not contain any hormones like estrogen, progesterone, or testosterone.
Honestly, whether you have trouble orgasming or not, I highly recommend giving it a shot!
2. Pain/It hurts: 23%
Experiencing pain when you should be feeling pleasure has got to be one of the worst things ever. Many women struggle with dyspareunia, the medical term for pain during vaginal intercourse, at some point in their lives.
The symptoms are diverse and there’s a laundry list of potential causes, from more psychologically-rooted issues like vaginismus to complex physical issues like endometriosis. (3.) These are, of course, issues to take to a specialist therapist or medical doctor.
For most of us, though, the biggest cause of pain is simply a lack of lubrication, either from lack of foreplay, a drop in estrogen levels as after menopause or childbirth or during breast-feeding, or even certain medications (antidepressants, blood pressure meds, sedatives, antihistamines, and some birth control pills) which are known to affect sexual desire or arousal.
For these women, VitaFLUX™ by Promescent offers a genius, all-round, safe, and natural solution to the problem of painful sex.
Simply put, it improves sexual function and satisfaction for both men and women by boosting the health of our endothelium, which, as some experts say, is the most important (but forgotten about) organ in the body.
The endothelium lines the whole cardiovascular system and is responsible for delivering hormones and nutrients throughout the body, but our modern, western diet and lifestyle can compromise endothelial health, leading to a range of health issues, including decreased libido and natural lubrication in women.
Studies have found the benefits of taking VitaFLUX™ daily include:
- increased libido and desire for men and women
- increased orgasm satisfaction for men and women
- reduced vaginal pain and increased natural lubrication for women (4. & 5.)
Not only does it boast this amazing range of sexual health benefits, but VitaFLUX™ also offers an impressive array of overall health perks, like increased energy, faster recovery times from illness, injury, or exercise—many gymmers use nitric oxide (NO) supplements, but the ones you get on Amazon or at a retail store typically don’t contain enough key amino acids to really make a difference (known as therapeutic dosing), whereas VitaFLUX™ contains 2-3x that of other leading, competing brands.
I’ve been taking it for a few weeks now, and one of the most noticeable side-effects is a big boost in my energy levels, in and out of the bedroom!
Good old-fashioned lube also goes a long way to solving a lack of lubrication. But a shocking majority of lubes on the market today are cheap, nasty, and downright unhealthy for your most sensitive areas.
So Promescent have developed three trusty solutions: their premium water-based lube (paraben-free, odorless, colorless, greaseless, FDA-compliant, and made in the U.S.A.), their organic-based lube (my personal favorite, with organic quinoa, hemp, flax, green tea, and oat extracts that rejuvenate your skin and intimate areas), and their silicone-based lube (the ultra long-lasting, never sticky even in water option). All of these are top quality, pH-balanced, paraben-free, and condom compatible—and both the water and organic-based lubes are toy compatible.
3. Communication: 18%
Curtin’s sex survey results reveal a fundamental breakdown in communication between men and women when it comes to sex and pleasure.
Most men want to give their partners more pleasure but are struggling to figure out what’s working. At the same time, women are struggling to find a way to talk to their partners about their lack of satisfaction without hurting their feelings. Moral of the story? We have got to have more conversations with one another about these things.
We need to talk more with each other about our experiences—good, bad, happy, sad—without so much of the shame and blame. This takes practice, but the only way to get better at it is to start where we are.
Practice communicating openly and kindly with your partner about sex: say what feels good, what doesn’t, and, as awkward as it might feel at first, talk more about your fantasies, what you’ve been dying to try…
4. Not enough foreplay: 18%
We need more genuine foreplay—and not as some kind of bolt-on check-box before we get down to the real deal. We need play and pleasure for play and pleasure’s sake.
Unlike men, women aren’t naturally ready for sex at the drop of…our underwear. For women to truly enjoy sex, and have a greater chance of orgasm, we need time to warm up and get into it.
There are loads of thoughtful ways to improve the quality and duration of foreplay. Sensual massage is a personal fave, and here’s where I’ve been getting out the Promescent Arousal Gel of late. A good foreplay toolkit (never forget the lube) is worth its weight in pleasure, too.
5. Relaxing/Letting go: 4%
We need to do more things that help us relax and unwind enough to let go when it comes to intimacy, so we can enjoy good oral sex, say, without having that laundry list of things to do tomorrow running through our brains.
As the Mayo Clinic points out, “sexual response involves a complex interplay of physiology, emotions, experiences, beliefs, lifestyle, and relationships. Disruption of any component can affect sexual desire, arousal or satisfaction, and treatment often involves more than one approach.”
Give yourself permission to relax and let go: there are a lot of techniques and therapies that can help here, from breathing to massage, but if your sexual history is part of the reason you can’t, seek the help of a professional.
Take enough time to become aroused: get creative, have fun with intimate play, and at the risk of saying this too many times, definitely take your Arousal Gel along for the ride!
We all deserve pleasure.
It’s also one of the best things we can do for our world because, as Melanie Curtin says, “When we feel truly sexually fulfilled, seen, and accepted, we feel connected. And connected people are a lot more able to keep the faith. Connected people are more likely to keep marching. Connected people will build the world we actually want to live in.”
Promescent in hand, let’s get to it then!
4 Ways to Have Better Sex.
1. Promescent Premium Lubricants