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July 22, 2020

It’s not Laziness. It’s not Stupidity. It’s Dyslexia.

Why is it I can not grab onto names?

All my life.

This isn’t a getting older issue—

this is my life issue.

I remember faces,

the curl of hair or unique glasses

or a beautiful

or grumpy smile

But your name…

is what again?

 

Same with numbers.

Even worse actually

“My phone number is

231-748-….” someone tells me

“Okay, okay,”

I say.

I repeat it back.

But in the course of them speaking and my hearing,

the numbers decide to change places with each other.

I know these tricks now and how to compensate.

But for years

all my childhood and school years,

I didn’t know how.

I know now I must write it down.

I will not remember.

I simply won’t.

And even writing it down, I need to hear it one more time,

as too many times

they switched places in my head without informing me even again.

It can be tiresome!

It can be embarrassing!

Numbers.

Names.

People sometimes think I’m not trying hard enough.

But I am…

I really am.

Yet, I can remember how to draw things without a reference at times. How to mix colors on a palette to make just the tight shade.

I hold on to colors and sounds best.

I can pick up a harmony somehow, even songs I’ve not heard before.

I hear the harmony as the song moves along and only on occasion do I miss a note, but then remember easily next time. I can hear when things are ever so barely out of tune.

The mind is an amazing thing, isn’t it?

At 64, I’ve accepted my disabilities.

It even received a name eventually.

I remember my first husband coming home and saying,

“Hey, I know what’s wrong with you!”

Before you judge this person, it was meant as an answer to a huge mystery to us both.

I have dyslexia.

It was a huge relief!

I’m not stupid.

I’m not lazy.

Words I’ve called myself up to that point when I couldn’t explain why these things wouldn’t stick.

Just so you know,

I will eventually learn your name and sometimes it sticks easily!

And some numbers I figure out,

tricks

or tools.

Be kind.

You really have no idea about a whole person when you meet them.

I used to try to joke and cover it up or skip subjects if possible

or blame it on age or being busy, distracted.

True sometimes,

but not the real reason for these parts of me.

Now I simply say,

“I’m dyslexic.”

It’s only a part of me.

But there is so much more

~

KKurtz

7/19/2020

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Kathleen Kurtz  |  Contribution: 1,695

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