July 5, 2020

I Like Women & Nobody Knows.

I’ve dated a few men and have felt nothing but friendship.

I really tried to make things work, but I genuinely didn’t feel anything. They would put their lips on mine, but there were no sparks—not even a mild crush. Some may say this is unfortunate, but I don’t mind.

I am who I am, and I like women.

They are beautiful. I hope one day to marry one.

I have wanted and tried to feel attracted to men, but I simply don’t. I have fallen in love with their intellect and warmth, but I never seem to feel sexually attracted to them the way my other friends are. I don’t look at men the way they look at them as they are walking by.

I’ve broken a few hearts along the way, but it has never been my intention. I just hadn’t dated much and thought the lack of spark came from inexperience. However, as the days pass, I am beginning to realize that I just don’t feel attracted to men. Again, I am okay with this.

I’ve started messaging a woman recently on a dating app, and I enjoy feeling that spark (finally). I read her words over and over and smile, waiting for the next message to arrive. She’s romantic, and so am I.

I look forward to waking up and seeing her messages—and one day holding her hand.

Maybe I like women. Or perhaps I like both men and women? It doesn’t really matter.

All I know is that flirting with this woman gives me butterflies, and I want to know her.

I feel nervous sharing who I am because I want to be accepted.

I used to think you had to look a certain way to be gay and that I was “too feminine” to fit the mold. I realize now that this isn’t true. So many out there look just like me and want to be supported, no matter who they love.

Maybe one day I’ll tell the ones closest to me that I like women. But for now, I feel more comfortable writing about it.

Please don’t tell anyone yet.

I’ll let them know when I’m ready.

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