I know what it’s like when your mental health lacks that critical “health” part.
I know what it’s like to feel like you’re trapped in darkness with a devil on your shoulder whispering things you’d rather not hear, hurting the soul that longs for a break from the madness.
Here are some words from my journal to show you how much I understand:
“I feel like I’m so bruised, nothing can touch me without it hurting. How did I get here? How did I turn into the person that has thoughts like that to stop? How did that little girl grow up to be me? Why did I let them hurt me? Why do I do this to myself? Why was I put in those situations that I couldn’t control? How did I get here? How do I get out?”
Sometimes, you get tired of being strong. You get tired of telling yourself, “Everything is okay.” You get tired of hoping and daydreaming and wishing upon stars. You are tired of saying “Yes” when you need to say “No.” Tired of accepting, being patient, being understanding.
Your cracks open—you bleed and get weak. And you know that at some point, you need to remind yourself that it’s just a phase. But you can’t, because you’re feeling more like: “F*ck this, that, and the other thing.”
It gets overwhelming. But you face your demons the best way you know how to—you make it work. You go to bed with a bully in your mind and a heart full of prayers. When you stumble and fall, you get back up and fight through another day.
I know this because you’re here, reading this.
It’s okay to not be okay—even though sometimes it really feels like it’s not.
So, I’m here to remind you that we’re human and feel a range of emotions. And some of the worst linger without us even realizing how they were triggered.
Some days, you’re going to need to sit in a bath until the water gets cold (and then fill it with warm water again). You’re going to lay in bed for hours while you’re listing the things you should be doing. And when you turn your music on, half of your playlist won’t come even close to speaking to you.
But that’s okay. Your body needs to rest, your spirit needs to clear out old energy, and your mind needs to practice going with the flow.
And in case no one has told you today, you’re doing great, sweetie.