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Motherhood is a challenge.
It’s rarely the Instagram worthy shots we see, or the heart-bursting moments we long for.
We question what we are doing and if we are doing things right (constantly). Yet we yearn to embody the confidence we see in mothers around us. The ones who appear powerful and certain of their decisions.
And here’s the thing: so much of our confidence and power is connected to our pleasure. We desire to feel good about our decisions, motherhood, and life overall. When we chase our pleasure, we naturally come to a place of confidence and power we seek.
Step One: Connect with the heart.
I can remember from a young age my mother guiding me to my heart to make decisions. “What does your heart say?” was a frequent question I received as an indecisive child. Little did I know then, there was a potent message in those words.
Our heart has the same neurons that are found in the brain. When we connect with the heart to make decisions, we are connecting to our higher purpose. A decision made through the heart will always lead you forward.
Connecting with the heart is easy. Place your left hand over your heart and breathe. Feel the heart space expand and contract with each breath. Once you have come to a place of peace, ask your heart for the guidance you need. Simply ask and allow time for your heart to respond. A deep, inner knowing will arise in your chest. And you’ve done it! Use this tool to make the big decisions with confidence. Heart activation, check!
Step Two: Connect with the womb.
The womb holds our energetic connection to the earth (the four phases of the reproductive cycle align perfectly with the seasons) and is a place of grounding. But, she also speaks to us through the senses.
When compared to the heart’s ability to connect us to our higher purpose, the womb connects us to our basic needs and desires. When we feel our womb speak, it’s often in whispers about what senses are activated by our experiences. Such as, “look at that beauty,” “smell the flowers,” or “I wonder how that would feel.” Because her calling isn’t as loud, or physically felt as the heart is when beating, it can take time to connect here. It takes a certain level of mindfulness and presence.
To connect with the womb, place your right hand over the womb space and breathe. Again feel the space expand and contract with the breath. While sitting evenly on your sitting bones, begin to circle your abdomen around the pelvic bowl. Picture yourself circumnavigating the lake that is your womb space. One circle is one round. It takes a full breath, in and out, to complete the circle. The slower the breath, the slower the circle. Repeat in each direction nine times. Then ask, “what do I need to support myself today?”
Because our womb is cyclical, like the seasons, her responses will vary. Sometimes she will call for action, and at other times she yearns for rest. Connecting with your womb in this way will allow you to dictate your daily care. Womb power, activated!
Step Three: Find pleasure in the mundane.
We place pleasure on a pedestal, imaging it as toe-curling orgasms, or rich delicacies. Pleasure is something that surrounds us. When we focus on our pleasure, on doing what feels good, we invite more pleasure into our lives. Seeking our pleasure daily and finding the little moments that feel good can be at random, or directed by the womb.
To do this, I invite you to expand your definition of pleasure. Expand it beyond sex. What makes you feel good? I think we can all agree lying in bed is full of pleasure. It just feels good. So before you hop out of bed, immerse yourself in that pleasure. Really take it in. Allow yourself a few moments of this pleasure before starting your day, even if it’s only a few breaths. Feel gratitude for these good feelings, your bed, your pillows and blankets. And then start your day. You’ll be able to access other simple pleasures with greater ease using this practice daily.
Step Four: Sensual ritual.
Sensuality at its core is the exploration of the senses. When we bring more awareness to our senses, we are able to access pleasure in greater amounts and from a variety of sources.
A quick way to tap into your sensuality is through this body piling ritual. To begin, find a massage or body oil that works best for your skin type. Choose something naturally scented or use your own essentials to mix things up! Take a pump or two of the liquid oil in your hands and warm it by rubbing the hands together. Starting from your feet, working in long strokes, massage up the legs. As you do this, think loving thoughts. “Thank you, legs, for carrying me through life, for my mobility, for being strong.” And then move onto the abdomen. Work in a circular motion applying the oil. Again, think thoughts of loving gratitude. “Thank you for creating life, for being my center, for processing nutrients.” At last, we apply the oil to our arms. You guessed it, we again think loving thoughts. “Thank you for carrying all the things I love.”
It’s best done right after a shower and seriously takes maybe two minutes total! Over time, you will find yourself truly feeling those loving thoughts as truth. It’s a simple way to connect with your senses daily and call forth more pleasure into your life.
Step Five: Love yourself.
When you are connected to the heart and following its confidence; when you are connected to the womb and its primal power; and when you begin to find the little pleasures—if you listen to those cues directed by yourself, you have no choice but to love yourself. You are able to take better physical care of yourself and your children. Your emotional health flourishes as you feel confident and powerful in your decisions. You feel pleasure in the mundane experiences motherhood offers and magnetize them.
We all have our days that seem like they will never end, when our thoughts are racing and patience running thin. Perhaps these are your cues to turn in and love yourself a little deeper.