LISTENING CAN DO WONDERS

Zeno of Citium (334-262 BC), the founder of Stoicism, proclaimed, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” A few centuries later, his philosophical descendant, Epictetus, taught, “Whoever is going to listen to the philosophers’ needs considerable practice in listening.”

Listening can undoubtedly be more valuable and productive than speaking. Poor listening can result in wars, wrecked friendship and marriages, and ruined professional relations. It is only when we listen that we engage, understand, empathize, cooperate and develop as fuller human beings. Listening is also fundamental to any successful relationship — personal, professional, social or political.

Listening is one of the most powerful tools in a leader’s toolbox. At its core, it is connecting. One’s ability to understand the true spirit of a message — as is intended to be communicated — and demonstrate understanding is paramount to form connections and lead effectively.

Indeed, empathetic listening requires courage — the willingness to let go of the old habits and embrace new ones that may, at first, appear to be time-consuming and inefficient. But once acquired, listening habits are the very skills that turn would-be leaders into true ones.

However, what is much more important for humanity is to be connected.  One of the amazing things about the human species is that over a period of time, we have become creative. We’ve adapted ourselves to survive by coming up with incredibly imaginative ways to stay connected even when they’re not in the same physical space together. It is listening that can help us remain in touch.

Viktor Frankl, the celebrated Austrian psychiatrist who survived the holocaust of Nazi Germany, told the story of a woman who called him in the middle of the night to inform him that she was about to commit suicide. Frankl kept her engaged on the phone, providing her ample reasons to not take her life and, instead, carry on living. Finally, the woman agreed to Frankl’s advice and kept her word.

When they met later, Frankl asked her which advice persuaded her to live. “None of them”, she told him. “What then influenced you to go on living”, he pressed? Her answer was simple: It was Frankl’s “willingness to listen” to her in the middle of the night that saved her. A world where there was someone ready to listen to her pain made her feel that it was worthwhile to live.

Listening carefully and purposefully to other people can help one understand attitudes. This is essential to build cooperative relationships. Listening has got a raw deal by philosophers over the years. While attempts to highlight moral virtues — like tolerance, honesty, humility and so on — go back to the times of Aristotle, the ability to listen never made to the list. Philosophy has been mostly silent on the moral importance of being a good listener.

Listening to others is not easy when what they say appears to be so wrong. It may seem so because others see the same reality through different lenses. Take the example of a group of blind men, who encounter an elephant for the first time when the animal is brought to their village. Having no idea about its shape or size, they decided that they must inspect the animal by touching it in order to paint a picture in their minds. One blind man put his hand on the trunk of the elephant and said that the animal was a thick snake. Another touched the elephant’s ear and said that it seemed like a type of fan. A third blind man, who touched the leg of the elephant, said that it resembled a tree trunk while another felt its tusk and thought the animal was like a spear. Each of them is convinced that what they felt is the truth, which it may be. But it is not the whole truth.

The first level of listening is to pay attention to “what” the other person is saying, even if one may not agree with what was said.  Then there is the second level of listening, which is much deeper. At this stage, an individual tries to figure out the “why” of the other person’s thoughts. There is then the third and the final level that is even more profound. Here, the listener begins to notice the difference between his/her own way of seeing and that of the other. By listening deeply, especially to people who are not like us, we can create a more inclusive, just, harmonious and sustainable world.

Our lenses are our ways of perceiving the world but are buried in the back of our minds. We cannot see them with our own eyes. However, we may find a reflection in someone else’s eyes.  Let us listen to our aspirations. We must also lend an ear to the aspirations of other people who may not be like us for the creation of a better world that they want to leave for their grandchildren.