August 23, 2020

To the Lover who Awakened my Fire.

Each day, I put one foot in front of the other. 

I wasn’t running, hell I wasn’t even walking at a quick pace. Looking back is surreal, like a slow-motion movie. Was that me moving through life in some sort of alternate universe? Was that me living but not really being presently alive?

You awakened me.

I opened my eyes—viewing things that seemed hidden to me for the longest time—and stretched out of my slumber. How long had I been here? How long was I sleepwalking and mindlessly flicking through each day?

My skin tingled—invigorated. I looked at myself in the mirror; I saw myself. When was the last time I really saw myself refreshed, revived, and anew?

I felt heard—my words meant something to someone. What I had to say was important; you were hanging on my every word.

The woman in me was emerging. She had been dozing for so long. For so long, she had been replaced by everything and was nothing to herself.

You saw energy—a beauty that wasn’t simply defined by a well-put-together look. You could see the natural me in all my rawness. You lifted the veil that I had so long ago shrouded myself in.

You turned my cindering ashes into an enveloping fire that could not be extinguished. The flames of my being now burn with confidence, passion, purpose, and desire. 

You challenged me—made me question everything, the good and the bad. You tested me; you evoked emotions in me that I thought were long gone; you raised me up, and you brought me to my knees.

You looked at me—really looked at me—intently, mesmerizingly, painfully, lovingly, and lustfully. With laughter in your eyes and sadness in your eyes, you looked into my soul.

It was an undeniable physical attraction. We were two magnets drawn together; two energies entwined. It was spiritual and emotional intimacy—unfathomable chemistry. We were two souls dancing a dance they never knew existed, yet dancing like they had been dance partners all their lives.

You showed me the best and the worst, the joy and the sorrow, the whole and the broken, the blessings and the lessons, the happiness and the heartache. This taught me strength and resilience, the importance of honoring and loving myself, and the need to be completely authentic.

You triggered a rippling vibration in me—an ability to find my inner goddess.

Your absence is still breaking me. It’s shattering my heart and soul into a million tiny pieces, but the fire is still flickering. I used the flames to rebuild myself; I used the pain to teach myself; I used the solitude to know myself; I used the love and energy to propel myself into this space.

By awakening me, I awakened you. I will be forever grateful to the universe. She set us on a f*cking collision course that taught us about ourselves—through each other. It taught us how to love ourselves by loving each other. We loved so hard that we cracked each other open and let new light in. We each awakened the best and worst in each other, just as it was meant to be. 

It was a beautiful love and an absolutely undeniable pain—a lesson. 

But it was also the greatest gift of all. You awakened the warrior in me—the woman who knows where she is going and what she wants. 

A woman who is unstoppable,

You awakened me.

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