5.4
September 15, 2020

11 Unbreakable Vows I’m Making to my Goddamn Beautiful Soul.

Dear Self, I apologize from my depths for abandoning you so many times during this lifetime.

I deeply apologize for not listening to you properly when I chose another over you.

I just did not know better—each time I abandoned you.

It’s not easy to unlearn the way we were conditioned and parented and to re-parent ourselves from the start as if we were a newborn baby, because in a way, we are. I am learning to be the parent to the child, teen, and adult-in-progress within me.

But I am learning, you know.

I am learning every day to appreciate your beauty, your rawness, your sensitive heart, and your rock-like strength.

The only one I’ve always had there to rely on in my deepest, darkest, muddy waters, and roads of my life experiences, was you. Was always you.

I am grateful for how you dealt with everything that came your way. I am actually shocked sometimes at how powerful you really are.

I am immensely grateful for your growth and your mistakes and how you learned from each of them.

I know, I prolonged your healing and your wholeness because of my vulnerabilities.

But not even a moment or experience is wasted in this lifetime.

Dear Self, I promise you these 11 unshakable and unbreakable promises as if they are vows to you and to you only because they are:

1. I will never ever abandon you again for another person, no matter who that person is.

2. I will always choose you first. No matter what.

3. I will check in with your emotions, feelings, and inner guidance system to gain the truth of a situation or someone, and I will trust it and listen to it with utter respect and responsibility.

4. I will never neglect you or ignore you for the love of another. Because I have learned true love would never ask or cause me to neglect or abandon myself. That’s not real love.

5. I will trust patterns of behavior and actions instead of words or broken promises from a man I am interested in. I will carefully observe him. Take my time to understand who he is and see his patterns and if he is worthy of who I am. I will see if what he says aligns with his actions and lifestyle. I will dig deeper into his soul to see if it matches mine. And if not, I will let him go and never look back again.

6. I will create a magical future for you, as you have always wanted and dreamed of—one day at a time. If I get discouraged along the way please remind me as you always do. So I can get back in track.

7. I will always ask myself if my connections of any kind are adding value to my life, or are they only filling the empty and absent spaces? And let go of those who don’t add value.

8. Anytime I will look at you and your big eyes in the mirror, I will let you know how beautiful you are, even in the mornings when your hair is messy and your eyes not fully opened. Or when you have black bags under your eyes or wrinkles start to show. I will tell you that each scar on your face is a triumph and victory of some kind and that I love you more because of them.

9. I will tell you “I love you” more often during the day, during my meditation moments before you go to sleep and upon waking up. I will have to remind you constantly that I love you—because I do. Something I was terrible at before. I am sorry for that. No one taught me how to, and I had to learn for myself.

10. I will allow in my physical, mental, and heart space only those people and connections who make you sing, laugh hard, lift you up, bring out the best from you, make you experience real magic, true love, and friendships. The rest are out.

11. I promise you that as a Libra, I know you need balance. I will bring more balance within you and outside, so you can enjoy all colors of life equally and give you what you need at every moment of breath from now on and forever.

I love you.

Ilda

~

 

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