Whether you are in a long-term relationship or marriage, there is a phase when you feel that the spark that you once had with your partner no longer exists.
You miss having that spark in your life. You remember the past days when the spark used to fill your life with passion, romance, and life. You also notice couples around you in romantic relationships and wish you could have the same chemistry with your partner which you had before.
Firstly, let me tell you one thing, the spark never remains in any relationship forever. It goes away with time. But you can get it back.
It’s natural that when two people are together for so many years, they start to take each other for granted. But when this happens for a long time, the spark goes away, and we feel unimportant, left out, unseen, and unheard.
Here are some ways to reignite your lost passion in your relationship:
It is said that the world’s biggest wars can be dissolved by communication.
Certainly there is a possibility that you may be having some unresolved issues with your partner, which may be playing in your mind. Living together as a couple brings a lot of issues which need to be tackled on a daily basis. Whether it is related to kids, household, relatives, friends, and so on.
Many people suppress their opinions due to some fears. Fear of getting into an argument or having a conflict are the most common fears couples face. They give priority to the peace of the environment over addressing the unresolved issues.
However, it never works. Because the suppressed unresolved issues will just bottle up and explode one day if triggered.
So communication is the key to putting across your emotions, issues, opinions, and views—whatever you feel is blocking you from bringing that intimacy back in your relationship.
But how do we communicate when we fear having an argument, when we fear being misunderstood like always?
Whenever you have to make any change in any situation, the first rule is to accept that the change has to only happen in us. We expect the other person to change, obviously, because we think that we behaved and thought in a certain way because of what the other person said or did.
We think in this way because we choose to understand ourselves and we unconsciously choose to not understand our partner. The only possibility of change to happen is when we change our attitude or approach toward the situation.
What changes can we do to be able to communicate effectively?
You have to make some commitments to yourself before you plan to take this first step of communicating. The first commitment is that you will be honest in your communication. There will be fears that will come in your mind, which will compel you to manipulate honest conversation. But this is your inner work to overcome the fears. Feel the fear, but still say your truth. The second commitment you need to make to yourself is that no matter how difficult the topic of conversation, your tone will not change to an aggressive tone.
There is a possibility that the tone of your partner’s voice may go higher, but you don’t need to change your tone. You can give pause to neutralize the energy building in the conversation. You could use “pause” as a tool to bring back the tone of the conversation to neutral just in case you feel that there is emotional energy building up. Also, accept the fact that you may not be able to conclude something meaningful in one conversation. It may take more than one conversation for you to feel comfortable again in your relationship.
Communication is a powerful tool. It can break someone’s heart and even melt someone’s heart. Make sure you always intend to melt the heart of your partner. If you are a couple with no major issues to address and want to rekindle the lost passion, giving close attention and communicating about good things that you notice in your partner is a way you can make your partner feel important, loved, and wanted.
2. Quality Sex
Often couples who have been together for a long time are so familiar with the sexual moves of each other that every sexual intercourse seems absolutely predictable to both partners before it begins. Couples know what their partner’s next move will be during sex, what is expected from them, and how much time the sexual act will last. This may lead to the sex becoming boring, which is the main cause of the spark going away. There is a lot you can do to make your intimate time more interesting.
You have to ensure pleasing all senses of your partner. Make sure your room is clean and beautified with scented candles, preferably, or fresh flowers. Make sure you shower and are smelling great. Sight and smell are the most important senses through which you can attract your partner. Make sure there is good, soothing music playing to take care of the third sense of hearing.
Gently touching your partner’s body or offering a nice, relaxing massage is a good way to connect with your partner. Make sure there is less talking, rather, no talking, so that the mind can rest as much as it is required to make use of this quality time. Do not worry about massage techniques as it’s not a professional massage session. Your intention is to form a loving connection with your partner. You can order or cook your partner’s favourite food too.
Going on a vacation is a great step toward creating some time and space for allowing the lost spark to reignite. Which place you pick is not important. Make sure there is no conflict in picking a place—because the idea is to reignite the lost spark in the relationship.
Vacation allows you to have the time and space away from routines and situations which take priority, and this will bring all the focus and attention to your partner and your relationship. It can also be a good opportunity to have difficult conversations that may have been left unaddressed due to hectic schedules or some other reasons.
There is a possibility of an emotional outburst. If there is any, make sure that the conversation about sensitive issues happens after some time of connection. You can book a couples spa to get into a relaxing mood or maybe go for a swim together while you are on a vacation. Nature walks also help in forming connections.
4. Playing a sport together
Playing a sport together is a great technique for building a bond with your partner. If you are into fitness, maybe the individual time of workout can convert into a couples sport session a few times a week. If you want to give up the idea thinking that your partner will reject it, maybe you can try suggesting before discarding it.
Playing sports releases endorphins and serotonin hormones, which are also known as “happy hormones.” When they are released in your body, you feel happy and good about yourself. When you are happy, your focus automatically goes on the positive side of your partner or relationship.
If you are willing to work on reigniting your lost spark, individual journaling is a great idea to sort out your thoughts and emotions. You can start with spontaneous writing first for 15 minutes and then start to write things that you feel are good about your partner. Then you can write a few things which you appreciate in your relationship.
It will be a good idea to share with your partner what you appreciate about him/her and your relationship. All the complaints, grudges, and disappointments can be written in the spontaneous writing and you can burn that paper in a safe place. This allows the negative emotion an outlet for release, and then the positive emotion will take over.
Whether you are an easy couple with no major issues, or a couple with unresolved issues, looking for professional help is also a great and brave step toward working on your relationship. It shows your commitment and your interest toward your relationship. You can find a relationship counsellor or an expert who can help you in this journey.