I never much liked the word ‘failure’ or the result of it. I am sure I am not alone. Dwelling on failure isn’t helpful. But failure, when experienced well is so useful to us.  Failing well drives more clarity and ultimately success in your goal.

 

Failure isn’t fatal, sometimes it just feels that way. If we experience failure heavily, it can weigh on our minds for a long time. If we can pick ourselves up quickly and move on and try again, failure is part of the learning experience.

 

So, the key is to know how we each experience failure. What weight do we attach to it? What are we making it mean? Failure is not a useful experience when we attribute it to our worth as a human being. One doesn’t equate to the other. We failed at doing a ‘thing’. This doesn’t mean we have failed in our life in total. Sometimes it’s tempting to go down that road.

 

Failure is the useful tool on the journey to success. Whatever success means to you. We all know the story of Thomas Edison, one of the world’s greatest inventors, said of his many inventions that didn’t work: “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” I love the research and developers’ attitude to failure. It’s a necessary and iterative part of the innovation process on the way to that winning new product or service. The plethora of feedback that is now sought of us after every service interaction helps providers on the way to avoiding future failure.

 

Can we avoid failure? No. We all had to learn to walk. Did we do it perfectly from the ‘get-go’. No. Did we provide much entertainment and encouragement from our fellow humans. Yes, we did. Failure is normal and human.

 

Perfectionism

If we have picked up some perfectionist tendencies along our trail, this can interfere with using an instant of failure well. Perfectionism stems from a thought of ‘I’m not OK’ and is a whole other topic but suffice to say, that when we think we are not ok, failure can feel intolerable. Other negative emotions like shame and embarrassment can be driven from failure. If that’s what you make it mean.  Our thoughts drive our emotions and so if you think that you have failed, and that failure isn’t normal, then the cycle of downward thoughts and negativity can ensue.

”The difference between average people and achieving people is their perception and response to failure” John C Maxwell.

 

Using failure as a tool.

Before we set out on a journey of any sort like an interview, a presentation, a new approach, it’s helpful to allow for failure. Unfortunately, the media can be tough on people and companies (like those creating new vaccines!) for their failures. The stock market goes up and down on failure and success. Celebrities and sports personalities are revered and trashed based on their failures. We can be very judgmental. It’s useful to remember that we all had to learn to walk. We are grateful that we can when others can’t.

 

Allowing for failure is why we plan and practice. The adage: fail to plan, plan to fail is often quoted. The more we plan and practice we are ironing out the creases. Understanding what works and what doesn’t, finding out what we need to do next. When we allow for failure and appreciate that it is all part of the process, we feel better. When we anticipate failure as something to be looked forward to and understood as a helpful tool is very empowering.  If you go forward with the pre-supposition ‘there is no-failure, only feedback’, we already are being easier on ourselves.

 

Looking back

Don’t look back, we are not going that way as the American Illustrator Mary Englebreit said. If we have judged an event in our life as failure, then the associated emotions re-emerge as fresh as the day we felt them first. We are not going back, we can’t. We can only go forward but we may need to re-calibrate our thoughts about the time we have deemed to be a failure. Helpful phrases like ‘I didn’t know then what I know now and that’s ok’ is a great thought to help lessen the burden. I like to assume that others are doing the best they can with what they have got at the time. Otherwise it’s easy to condemn everyone for every little mistake. I like to think that others will think the same of me.