*Warning: naughty language ahead!
Why do you enter into a relationship?
Or go back to an ex?
Or make up and break up multiple times? With a friend? A partner? Lover?
What’s the root cause of that, a cause that maybe only you know?
Is it because you need to improve your sense of self or self-esteem? Is it to feel loved because alone you feel unlovable?
Is it so that someone else can take care of you because you are unable to take care of yourself?
Is it so that someone can save you or fix you because you think you are broken or fucked up?
Is it because you want to only get from them or because you also would love to share yourself with another person in a mutual and reciprocated connection?
More often than not, most of us enter into relationships, especially the romantic ones, with many hopes and expectations that the other person will meet our needs—only to get frustrated and disappointed when they don’t.
When we meet someone we like, or have interest in, or feelings for, what most of us do is idealize the person by focusing on their positive traits and their “persona,” a.k.a. their mask of how they present themselves into the world.
When we start getting to know each other at some deeper level and observe the behaviors and actions of those who we love or fell for, we come to see their reality—and that may shatter all our expectations and hopes about them.
It does not take long for each of us to reveal all our “true colors.” Many try to hide this in the beginning, and they succeed until the truth comes through their repetitive patterns of behaviors and words.
Then we wake the fuck up from our dream love.
Love turns into a nightmare when it started seemingly as a dream. Right?
Then we blame the other.
Stop right here.
The responsibility is on me and on you.
Why do you pick certain lovers or partners or friends?
What’s the inner drive for particular people?
What is the reason you are entering into a relationship in the first place?
As long as we enter a connection or relationship from a place of need, our “love” for the other won’t be authentic or true.
We will give to them, in the hope that we receive.
Or we will withdraw, in the hope we will get more of their attention.
Or we will give only to the extent that they give back to us.
Or we will only give by being completely codependent, and either ignore all the red flags along the way or accept everything about the other person blindly.
You see? Human relationships can be complicated.
Because as long as you, or me, or anyone else chases someone, or wants someone to chase us, it will simply be an unconscious ego game—playtime.
We will be like little children trying to get attention, approval, and the love we are not able to give to ourselves, as a result of our childhood conditioning.
And until each of us realizes that now we are our own adult-ass-self, and need to take the reins of our life in our hands, heal, and make ourselves complete, we will keep ourselves looking for love and approval in others—in all the wrong places.
And we will tend to blame others for our feelings.
What about looking within and asking yourself from what place you are approaching someone you may be interested in or have feelings for? Or even your husband? Wife? Partner?
If you’re kind of doing it from a place of need (whatever that need or want is about) the other person will feel the energy behind your behavior and will keep away or be in codependency with you.
If we approach someone from a place of sharing ourselves, of giving because we feel like giving to them, without asking for an exchange, that will change the whole relationship dynamic.
Of course, this does not mean you have to give to people who are unable to share themselves with you in a mutual way, or in order to keep up with their bullshit or poor behavior in the name of “unconditional love.” Of course not.
But the more you, as an individual, come to a place of inner completeness, the better your choice of partners and lovers will be.
You will attract people that are on similar inner journeys of understanding their selves in wholeness and are able to give and receive as much as you do.