They are not all going to be like that.
Someday, you are going to meet someone who calls when they say they will. Someday, someone is going to show up who actually responds to your messages and doesn’t leave you feeling ignored. You won’t ever have to worry about saying the wrong thing to the right person because the right person will hear you. The right person for you will listen when you voice your concerns. They won’t all leave you feeling as though there is something wrong with you.
To the woman who is recovering from narcissistic abuse, I want you to know that you are not unloveable.
In spite of how your interactions with them left you feeling—know this: your heart is big, and I see the courage it took to love someone who couldn’t accept it. I see you standing there broken and confused left to wonder if this was it for you, and I want you to know that it isn’t unless you say it is. It takes a Herculean strength to love someone with utter conviction, and therefore I know you are strong enough to keep your heart open for the right person.
I want you to know that you are worthy. Even if you are 10 pounds overweight or don’t have it all together just yet or if there are still things within you that need to be healed. I want you to know that you are worthy even if they have moved on to their next source of supply and put ideas into that beautiful brain of yours that you were too hard to love. I want you to know that isn’t true.
They didn’t know how to love you and most likely it is because they were never loved well. I think it is very well possible that they didn’t know how to love themselves properly, and that, my dear, means they were never going to figure it out—no matter how much you did or did not do. No matter how beautiful you appeared to be or perfect you made yourself—they were never going to love you the way you needed because they could not love themselves fully.
I want you to know that you are enough. Even if you feel like there are some things you have yet to accomplish in life or your bank account for that matter. Those things do not need to be perfect for the right person. The right person for you will love you because of the things you find to be shortcomings, not in spite of them. The right person for you is going to value you—all of you—and will never discard you once they have had enough.
To the woman who is recovering from narcissistic abuse, I want you to know that it is okay that you loved this person.
Please don’t shame or judge yourself too harshly for it. Please try to see the bigger picture for their purpose in your life and your soul’s growth. I know how easy it can be to get down on yourself about all the should-haves but believe me, it is not doing you any good to stay stuck in that perpetual loop. Sure, take a look at the missed red flags, but please don’t consistently rake yourself over the coals. You do not have to pick up where your abuser left off unless you choose to.
I want you to know that your existence matters. I know you feel like last week’s leftovers tossed in the trash, but believe me, when I tell you that you do matter in this world and with the right person, you will feel that. The right person isn’t going to gaslight you or lead you to believe that you cannot trust yourself.
The right person is going to see the fire in your eyes when you talk about all that excites you in life. The right person is going to support your dreams because they are living their dream too. The right person for you is always going to push you to be more, do more, attain more in the most loving and comforting way.
With the right person, you will never have to worry about your vulnerabilities being used against you at an opportune time in order to hurt you. The right person is going to know the importance of feeling safe to share openly and honestly. The right person for you is going to hold you tight, but in a relaxed and freeing way, so that no matter how far you may travel, you’ll always have the comfort of their arms to return to.
Beautiful woman, I want you to know that they will not all be like the one who was okay with losing you.
The right person for you is going to understand what a sacred connection feels like, and they are going to honor your heart, your body, your mind, and most importantly, your soul.
And you’ll know this person is special—because not everyone is like that.