Healing does not happen in your time. It does not happen the way you want or choose.
The heart has a different way of healing itself if allowed space to clean and clear stuff from the past.
Healing does not come with an instruction manual.
It may not necessarily come when you meditate or go on a retreat, though it may.
Healing happens unexpectedly most of the time.
It does not ask for your permission; It just does its thing.
When a trigger or scar is pressed, it becomes a wound. And that wound needs to be pressed in order to open up and release all that it contains inside.
Facing that wound is not comfortable. It’s bound not to be. It does not need to be comfortable.
Wounds are there to force you and me to drop the masks of protection that we have used for so long and that have maybe made us repress tears, repress joy, repress desires, repress needs, and more.
Crying is never a comfortable thing for me to experience, especially when I’m outside and people might stare at me, or if a friend shows empathy and says: “I’m sorry you’re hurting.”
I cried a river the last two days as a wound was being opened by a situation in relation to a man who I’m openly and happily communicating with lately.
The situation with him reminded me of how I was treated in the past by men when I needed them: with total absence, just like my father who was never present.
First, it came out as anger, then numbness, then spacing out. Thoughts would run wild in my mind, making this specific person I was talking to the one to blame for how I was feeling.
The truth of that situation was that he triggered me (not intentionally).
A deep, old wound that just started leaking when I felt not heard, not seen, and felt alone—when I needed him to be there for me.
Quite frankly, I want to be left alone when I’m crying like a waterfall.
There is so much my heart is processing in those tears. I can feel the density and intensity of the wound being worked, dug into, and opened wide.
That’s the only way I can fully be human.
We think we should always feel okay. Or shift our mindset to a more positive one.
No. You do not.
You don’t need to shift anything.
You need to allow.
Whatever this experience of being human is offering you, allow it.
We have such a hard time to allowing thoughts, emotions, or feelings to just be.
So we either repress or swallow them, without being aware, only for them to come back stronger, to be faced, and looked upon.
We don’t want to be seen in those hidden places within.
We try to hide what makes us soft, vulnerable, unprotected, undressed, and naked.
But for how long?
We will have to face everything sooner or later—wounds, tears, strong emotions, thought processes, desires, and laughter that we have not allowed to just be.
But, as my emotional rollercoaster is slowing down and my wound becoming clearer and softer, I understand the blessing it is bringing me to not only walk my talk on the path of authentic self-expression of life, but it is also creating more intimacy and understanding in my new connection with a new man who sees me.
For the first time, I’m feeling seen.
And it is making me highly emotional as well.
Opening our hearts to a lost love or a new person entering our lives is the best medicine there is.
Not only do we heal, but we slowly become the best version of who we truly are within.
This, in turn, will create more abundance and real authentic connections and romantic relationships.
I dare to open up—even when it hurts.
I dare to accept my wounds and look at them like little children who need attention and space to just be.