November 17, 2020

Dear Wounded Man: We are Not your F*cking Saviours.

There have been many articles written about the narcissist and empath dynamic.

Perhaps, they are not all full narcissists but have some narcissistic tendencies? Perhaps, we are not all full empaths but are definitely extra-caring and generous souls?

Whatever the actual mix, like a bull to a red flag, we find ourselves trying to fix these wounded men. They are like a moth to our flame, and like any flame, their gaping f*cking wounds end up extinguishing our fire. Sometimes we are left burnt to the ground until we find the strength to water ourselves enough with self-love to start growing again.

Dear wounded man,

You will see us standing in our own power, confident in ourselves. Perhaps our energy is radiating. Unless you have something positive to contribute to our life—“Please leave us alone!”

Dear wounded man,

You will notice our generosity and the way we want to help people. You will see we are givers and we genuinely care. Unless you really appreciate us—please leave us alone.

Dear wounded man,

You will see our vulnerability. We wear our heart on our sleeve, and we are not afraid to show our emotions. If your ammunition is to lie to and manipulate us—please leave us the f*ck alone.

Dear wounded man,

Maybe you are attracted to us. Maybe you feel you need to be close to us because we emit something that makes you feel good. If this is not the start of an equal union—step away and leave us alone.

Dear wounded man,

Perhaps you think we can fill the voids in you. We can complete you or make you whole in some way. But we can’t fix what’s missing in your life; only you can do that—we are not your saviours.

Dear wounded man,

Our mistake is to trust you. To believe your endearing sweet words. To open ourselves up to helping you, maybe even loving you. But you don’t give; you only take. You take and take until we have nothing left—until we are a shell of our former selves.

Dear wounded man,

You are broken in some way. You bleed and bleed all over those who did not cut you. You hurt and cause such pain because you are hurting and are in pain. But we did not cause your pain, yet here we are trying to fix you. Save you. And all we are left with are these f*cking scars you have inflicted on us—causing another pain will not fix yours.

Dear wounded man,

Let’s talk about projection. Yes, projection. Do you know when you blame us and accuse us of all the bullsh*t that you are actually doing? Instead of acknowledging your own behaviour and actions, you choose to blame another—breaking us over and over again.

Dear wounded man,

Your need for validation we see so clearly now. Perhaps some of your behaviour stems from insecurity. Your desire to be seen in a certain way, always ensuring you kept that mask tightly strapped to your face—we should have ripped that mask off.

Dear wounded man,

Maybe you are already in another relationship but cannot stay away because you are selfish and want your needs to be met, regardless of how they are met. Your ego demands that, whatever you want, you should get—we can’t fix you.

Dear wounded man,

You must stop lying. You must stop pretending you are someone you are not. This is not healing; this is another covert form of manipulation—you need to f*cking be honest to everyone in your life.

Dear wounded man,

We are not your possession. You can’t control and dominate us, even though you continually try to. You seem to want to strip away our independence and our confidence, elevating your power. Your jealousies highlight your insecurity but this causes devastating pain—you don’t own another person.

Dear wounded man,

Battle your darkness and your shadows. It’s f*cking hard work but face it. Feel it. Deal with it and heal it, so you stop breaking other people in your desperation to feel whole. You stop cutting other people open because you are in pain. You stop destroying people who care about you—we do not deserve the pain you inflict.

Dear wounded man,

You may have hurt us. You may have cut us deeply and broke parts of us that we thought would not heal. You may have lied to us. Manipulated us. Maybe you were unfaithful. You probably caused such sorrow and heartbreak and shattered our confidence that you thought we would never get over you. But guess what? We are unafraid to do the hard work and heal. To face our mistakes and our darkness. We are brave and courageous, and now we are whole. We will never bleed all over another and we will never allow a wounded man to nearly destroy us ever again—thank you for the lessons.

“Women are considered fragile but I’ve never seen anything as easily wounded as a man’s ego.” ~ Unknown

 

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