November 11, 2020

An Open Letter to Divorced Parents—From a Child of Divorce.

To divorced parents,

I understand this is perhaps one of the most painful experiences you will go through. No one blames you for making a decision that is good for you, but you have to understand—as parents—you now have a greater responsibility for the one you brought into this world.

The journey could be easy, or it could be hard. You will get things wrong along the way, but take the next steps with your child with love. Through showing love to your child, it can ensure a connection is sustained and that it grows.

Be compassionate toward yourself and your divorced partner, so in turn, your child can receive that energy.

Here is some guidance on the approach you could take:

Be truthful.

Regardless of the age of the child, be truthful as possible—don’t sugarcoat what has happened. This can lead to a lot of confusion for the child, especially since they are still growing and developing.

Be loving.

Show love to your child. They may not be able to express it, but love is what they will need the most through affection, words of affirmation, acts of service, and, most importantly, giving them time.

Be sincere.

Move forward with the hope of growing a beautiful connection with your child. They may or may not understand what is happening; regardless, make sure to parent with the intention of helping a beautiful human grow into the individual they are destined to become.

There is no manual or handbook on the best parenting methods or techniques during divorce; your child will be one of your best teachers in this journey, so be attentive and listen to them.

What will make the journey easier is co-parenting—which I know is easier said than done—it is vital you two come together to raise and nurture your child; this will lead to healthy mental and emotional stability. A child that sees their parents working together will teach them how to have healthy relationships as they get older. A child observing their external environment will soak it in, and what they soak in will influence the person they become, especially through observing the behavior of their parents.

There may be times when it is hard and overwhelming, especially after divorce, so it’s important you give yourself time to heal. Engage with your child through forms of play, learn with them, and just be present every time you are together.

With love,
A child of divorced parents


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