2020 is the year for hard and fast transition.
Some transitions happen so fast they make your head spin and leave your soul in a state of whiplash. This has been my 2020 experience.
This year I canceled my (planned, booked, and paid for) wedding, broke off my engagement, left my job, got my own apartment, integrated myself into a beautiful community, decided to create my own business, and soon will be traveling through the desert with no plan and no return date (Phew!).
I may not have a plan but what I do have is the clear intention to live life from a place of truth and integrity. To find solace in silence and beauty in nature—to ground myself in my being and really come back home to my heart.
Sounds crazy, right?
Or maybe not.
Maybe I am beginning to understand that these structures, paradigms, and templates we create are not actually “real,” but rather ideas we build as a means of making our own existence more predictable. A self-imposed mental prison to lure us into a false sense of comfort, hiding the uncomfortable truth that we can never know what life will bring. That it is messy, unpredictable, and often painful, no matter how hard we try to control it. We do not realize the fragile psyche we create within ourselves in trying to control and plan all aspects of life. Literally everything in our experience is energy; it is fluid. Not solid state. And yet we respond as though we can hold onto it. Grip in some way.
Why? For what purpose?
What if, instead of gripping, we let go? What if we let life flow and lived from a place of non-attachment? What if, instead of building stability, we practiced joy? What if, instead of repeating old patterns, we opened ourselves up to new experiences? What if instead of planning a future, we decided to live in the ever-present now with zero expectation of what the next moment may bring? In living this way, we allow ourselves to experience levels of abundance, gratitude, and joy, previously inconceivable and incomprehensible. We crack ourselves open to pure pre-manifested potential, and it is a deeply beautiful thing. So…
Why are we so afraid of the unknown? Why are we so afraid of being all that we truly are?
In speaking for myself: I was afraid of being all of who I am because in stepping into you, you step into your power, and from that moment on, you become consciously responsible for everything in your experience. This can be daunting and terrifying, especially if your life does not look and feel the way you would like it to. After all, whose fault is that?
Living in integrity means being vigilant and aware and staying present in the moment; this is an ongoing practice, one that is never-ending and filled with lessons, some hard and others soft.
Hard and soft lessons:
>> Being all of me means doing the work. Recognizing where I am hurting myself or others in my ignorance or general lack of perspective.
>> Being all of me means seeing behaviors that need to change and changing them.
>> Being all of me means doing the daily work of bringing myself to the table and show up authentically, even when doing so is scary and raw and vulnerable.
And therein lies the deepest, most profound lesson in all of this:
Being all of me means being vulnerable, being open, being susceptible to hurt and pain, and heartbreak. Because not everyone will accept me as I am. And this is okay. It has to be because being all of me also means I am open to giving and receiving love. Deep, true, unconditional, authentic love. And this, my friends, is the good stuff! This is what makes life worth living.
So my unsolicited advice to you—as we near the end of this radically turbulent year filled with highs and lows, ups and downs, and everything in between—is to let go, let in, be open, be curious, go with the flow, release, surrender, be true to you and above all—be all that you are.
You really can have all that your heart desires. Your life can look however you want it to look. There is no rule book. And if you are blessed with an opportunity that feels right—go for it! Life is too short to live in a box of societal standards. Step outside the matrix set in place for you and see how quickly your life transforms.
All that you seek really is seeking you.