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December 9, 2020

The Opposite of Love & what we’re Getting Terribly Wrong about our Relationships.

Love is not codependency.

Love is not fear, anxiety, or longing for our needs to be met.

Love is not sadness, taking our crap out on each other, or mistreatment.

Love is not empty promises, disappointment, or unfilled needs.

Love isn’t pretending we are fine, when we are not.

Love isn’t telling everyone how great things are going, when we are really dying inside.

Love isn’t crumbs, leftovers, or lies.

Love isn’t passive-aggressive behavior, frustration, or anger.

Love isn’t chasing, begging, or sacrificing ourselves.

Then, what is love?

It is subjective to each person and comes in many forms. To me, love is like food, water, and air—it is a need.

It is also:

>> Respect

>> Loyalty

>> Support and guidance

>> Stability

>> Availability

>> Substance

>> Work (but not impossible)

>> Compromise

>> Honesty

>> Trust

>> Intimacy

>> Fun

>> Unique and special

>> Lasting

>> Hopeful

>> Exciting

Love isn’t bullsh*t—it’s for real. It’s why we exist; it’s what we were put on this earth for. We are meant to love each other, support each other, help each other, and guide each other.

Instead, we are doing the opposite.

More and more, people are finding solitude in the time spent alone. We are tired of games, lies, infidelity, mental health issues, unavailability, lack of commitment, and the inability to work through sh*t. So, we retreat into ourselves and our world, because we have learned that we can only count on ourselves.

We focus on self-love, self-care; this love we have to give is only going inward, and therefore, we are creating a separation from people.

Why? Because, it’s safe.

Life has become too easy and very difficult all at the same time. We have everything at our fingertips but struggle immensely. We are innately unhappy and haven’t a clue how to fix it. Self-love and self-care are the cure right now, because loving each other long term isn’t a thing anymore. So, we work to love ourselves in hopes it will fill that gaping void.

And oddly, it actually does.

Otherwise, we are out there searching for that person who will fill it for us, never content with where we are at or who we are with.

Things aren’t going right with your sweetie? Swipe right and move on.

Bored with your lover? Swipe right and find a new one.

Feeling deprived of attention? Swipe right and get the validation you need.

It’s too easy.

Tell me, what is the incentive for anyone to work through any relationship issue when another person is right there waiting? My ex used to call online dating “a candy store” and he’s right: we can have anything we want, any time.

Why stay with the one we have when we can refresh?

Love isn’t giving up, it’s not starting fresh when things get stale. It’s not moving on when things get tough.

Look at that older couple—you know the ones that still hold hands and finish each other’s sentences?—the ones who know what food they are allergic to and just how to fold their shirts the way they like them. Ask them what love is: it will fill your soul.

I have done this, and I cry every time I hear the answer.

Ask them.

 

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