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December 9, 2020

The Delicious Terror Of Getting EXACTLY What You Want

Desire. There is terror in getting exactly what you want – and even, in edging precipitously close to it. Sheer, wicked, mind-bending terror.

This is what they don’t tell you.

It liquifies your ego to go after your pure desire. It purifies you of every falsehood, every deceit and deception, every cause for pain and complaint, every time you’ve called in validation and called it love.

Even initially, the act of sifting through the intricate designs of your own soul, of finding the complex bearing there, the true north that wants you to follow it, the tricky and pithy path you’ll have to walk in order to follow it – the honesty – with yourself – is terrifying.

We live in a world with an abundance of distractions, where we suckle on the teat of unrelenting wanting – but desire?

Soul gripping, heart rending desire?

The true courage and conviction it takes to exist there at the crossroads of heartbreak and real, true fortune? That path is for the reckless and foolhardy. What if – what if – what we REALLY want goes against society’s norms?

And … what if it’s exactly what society tells us to want?

What does the ego do then?

What’s even more terrifying that acknowledging true desire – heart desires – is actually receiving it.

Imagine – having everything you want.

Imagine – you’d have to give up large swaths of what keeps you victimized. What allows you to sink in the same cesspools of murky water. Truth – and desire – are terrifying and clarifying. It’s madness, to be able to see so clearly.

But maybe one day, there’ll be nothing to cling to, but joy.

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