February 5, 2021

How to Practice the Quiet Lingam. {Adult}

Last week, I taught an online introduction to yoni massage.

On the webinar, I spoke about there being different yoni massage experiences. Where the intention is healing, it will be different from pleasure, and in healing and pleasure, there are different experiences and techniques.

The same thing goes for men.

For so long, and for so many men, male sexuality has been expressed in such a limited way.

The patterning, conditioning, and expectations both men and women have lived with around this have created the narrow experiences that so many—maybe most—men have.

The framework I’ve developed and work with is about patterns. The patterns we live with are in the mind and in the body. These patterns are linked to, and often create, the expectations we have in any moment, in any experience.

Most of the work I do with people, except, of course, where we’re doing online sessions, involves bodywork, touch, massage. When we work online, I guide and teach you to do these practices on your own or with a partner.

Male sexuality has many different expressions, which sadly not many men get to understand and experience.

For most men, sex is genital and orgasm oriented, and this limits the experience men have of their sexuality, of the field of possibility.

This is the pattern—the expectation and the conditioning—men have around sex.

From the time we first start touching ourselves, the experience is a certain way and ends in the same way—orgasm and ejaculation.

Quiet lingam is a slow, gentle experience.

It’s about a man surrendering to receive in a way that frees him from performance, from pressure.

It’s about a man being touched with tenderness that flows from the heart.

It’s about a man allowing himself to relax, to soften into sensation, into feeling, into emotion.

It’s about a man allowing himself to be present with whatever arises.

It’s about a Lingam being seen, being touched, being held without having to get hard, without having to do anything.

It’s about a man’s wound being touched, his insecurities, his hurt, his pain, his anger, his disconnect to be acknowledged, and with tenderness, slowly, released.

It’s about a man allowing himself to be open, opened.

It’s about a man being vulnerable, revealed, in a space that honors him.

It’s about a man experiencing himself as a sexual being rather than a sexual doing.

This slow touch, this gentle touch, is what allows us to drop the armour, the masks, the defenses, the protection we carry.

It allows us to soften to receive.

It allows us to show ourselves, to reveal ourselves. It allows us to be seen.

It allows us to put so much of the macho bullshit, so much of the conditioning and patterning we’ve received as men, to let that go.

It allows us to feel, in every way, deeply.

It allows us to expand what we experience as sexual and sensual men.

It opens the channel connecting heart and lingam, allowing energy to flow between them.

It allows us to be aware of a more heart-centered sexuality.

It becomes a ritual of receiving, of healing, of sensation, of pleasure. A ritual of honoring and worshipping a man, his lingam, without it having to be or do anything other than be there.

It allows our partners to give to us in a different way.

There is so much in this giving, in the flow between us, in the expression of the feminine.

It becomes, whatever the context, healing, nurturing, an experience of intimacy for both partners.

I talk a lot about how most men have at best a functional relationship with their genitals. At best, as for many of us, there are fears of performance, judgment on size, and the way we look.

This allows us to start connecting with our lingam in an emotional way, as an expression of your heart, as an extension of the energy of your heart.


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