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Diplomat, Doormat, or the Devil in Disguise?
The rage builds inside of me, at times ebbing and flowing, and at other times, like waves violently crashing against the sea wall.
The gentle words are spoken, an attempt to soothe another’s upset, assuaging their guilt and sincerely believing that I want to comfort them. I want them to feel better.
Passive words to swallow the sour taste in my mouth.
Yet deep within me, I feel a growing discomfort. It begins with mild irritations over the slightest thing, then shifts on a dime without warning.
Aggressive thoughts fly around in my head, slamming against my will to be kind and loving.
I retreat, wanting to close the door on them all. Bitter and angry. Resentment taking hold. Anger holds me prisoner by obsessing about people or things that I can’t control.
There is no one to blame but myself, yet I ask why it is that I hold others to an expectation that they may not or cannot meet?
If I ask others to be gentle with themselves, why is it that I am angry with those who fall short?
Why is it that I grow furious when someone I considered a friend talks the talk, but doesn’t walk the walk?
People let us down all the time and in a world of strangers, I can accept that. But when it comes to those who call themselves friends, it is more than a let down—it cuts like a sharp knife, leaving a large, gaping wound from which the bleeding hemorrhages.
I ask, if they don’t care, why do I? Why does it sometimes feel so impossible to bandage up and heal?
Forever the diplomat, yet age summons up a list of exploratory questions for which the answers need to be examined.
I picked up the doormat, so why am I still being walked on, a person who others cross over to get from one side to the other, wiping their feet just long enough to clean up and carry on?
We teach others how to treat us, and if we have feelings of anger and resentment toward others, there is inside work that needs to be done.
When we find ourselves in the role of a passive-aggressor, there is a problem within.
We all possess some good and fight some evil. It’s also known as being human. But when we go to an extreme in any one direction, we risk being that devil in disguise.
May we be diplomatic, but not a doormat, and if we find ourselves in a battle between the two, may we take a step back and search within. Most likely, it is a personal issue that we need to work through rather than isolate, percolate, and implode.
Practice saying what you mean and meaning what you say—with caution and care.
There is no place for self-righteousness or ego in true friendship, and if you’re struggling with either, maybe there’s no friendship at all.