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February 10, 2021

I am Loud, I Speak Up & I cannot be Contained—I am 52 & Free.

At 52 years old, I am done with being told I am too much.

I am done apologizing for feeling joy, for it to move me to dance while people watch and judge me.

I am loud, I speak up, I dance, I am not containable. I am me. 

I do not fit into your idea of who I should be. For 52 years, I have stamped it down. I have been a good girl. I have lived inside the box society has place me in, but no more. I am 52, and I am going to be all of me.

“Sit down, be quiet, and quit acting so strange. You cannot color your hair that color. Act your age. Do not cause a scene,” they tell me.

Well, I am my own scene.

I am joy unbridled; I am happiness with no harness.

I love color, and I wear it brightly. I pin flowers in my hair. I listen to all types of music without apology. I dance around the house. When they curse in the song, I still sing it at the top of my lungs. I love the word no, but I also love yes. I love picking my adventures, but I will also say no to something because I’d just rather read a book.

This is my life, not yours; I will not be shoved in a box anymore. In fact, I have burned your box because I will not go back. Sitting down and shutting up is no longer in me. I am done with it all. I may be too much for you, but I am perfect for me.

I am 52 and free.

For those who cannot handle me: I am turning my volume back to what it should have been for my entire life.

I will no longer live a toned-down version of my life for you to accept me.

I was a proper wife, a good and sensible mom. Now, at 52, I am all of those things still, but also all of me. I am an adventurer. I wander alone. I explore new avenues as an artist. I try painting, though I am not good at it—frankly, I do not care. I sketch in pencil and have gotten pretty good at that. I say yes to learning, and I love to learn, even at my age. I will try new things with open abandonment of the constraints others have imposed on me.

I am enough. I need no one else, though sometimes, I might choose someone. I choose what I will do and how I will be, and I am unapologetic for this.

I am 52 and free.

I laugh out loud, I am bold. I dance, cry, and choose joy. I choose me. I have stifled myself for so long, but I will no longer tone it down.

This life is short; this life is for us to be happy. I am making my own rules, being my own self.

I am 52 and free.

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