I was conditioned to be a good girl.
This is not an uncommon experience for a woman my age—and it’s not our fault.
It’s not even our parents’ or grandparents’ fault. We see influences everywhere, from the moment we open our eyes, that teach us what it means to be a woman in this world. Then we are reprimanded if we don’t fall in line.
That’s not very lady-like; act like a lady.
You’re such a drama queen.
You’re so pretty.
It’s been happening for generations.
Our little girl hearts learn to toe the line or else lose the support of those around us. Our little girl grows up to be a good woman, then a good employee, then a good partner, and then a good mother—or whatever order/combination you happen to experience or desire.
Good girl traits serve those around us and they are exceptionally helpful when we get into paid work—good girl traits make great employees.
Good girls are super professional:
>> They self-regulate with the best of them.
>> They present themselves well.
>> They exceed expectations because they don’t want to let anyone down.
>> They are great team players.
>> They don’t want to appear like their home life is impacting their ability to do their job, so they pretend all is fine.
>> They take work home if they don’t complete it on time or think that they won’t.
>> They study, and add degrees and certifications like popcorn because they don’t feel like their words, without external validation, are worthy of being said.
Good girls don’t get promoted to roles that can really change the world because the traits of a good girl don’t create leaders.
They don’t create humans who can confidently speak their truth and live in authenticity with their purpose; there is too much self-doubt and self-sabotage for that.
The needs or wants of those around us take up too much space in our mind to tune in to our own inner knowing. There is too much noise to hear the whisper of our intuition. We are too exhausted from being self-sacrificing to even consider we could—and should—fill our cup first or put our own oxygen mask on first.
So as a society, we get more women living out of alignment with their truth, and more women doubting their abilities. We don’t get women who want to tear down the-way-things-have-always-been-done mentality and rebuild the world differently—because that would be a bit bossy of us wouldn’t it? And it’s all a bit sh*t.
Within each and every woman, within each sovereign heart, is a fireball of change that is here to burn down the outdated values that scaffold all of our lives (men included).
Within each woman is a purpose so profound that just a mere whisper of it scares the sh*t out of the few in power.
So, from one reforming good girl to another:
We are celebrated for being compliant—but what about being revered for changing the freaking world?
Who wants to be crap with me?