I was less than 20 years old when I got into my first real relationship.
He loved my honesty, kindness, and willingness, and I loved his ambition, energy, and flexibility.
If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be who I am today. He was my teacher in many aspects—he guided me toward the right path and helped me set up my goals.
We went to the movies together, we went on long walks, and read books together.
After six years and before getting married, he disappeared on me. I spent months and months thinking about what happened or what went wrong.
It’s impossible to explain how worried and confused I was. The questions in my head were many, and I felt the emotional pain spreading through every inch of my body and soul. I kept waiting for him to come back, but alas—he never did.
I spent months suffering from anxiety and depression. I didn’t sleep well, I couldn’t eat well, and I had no energy to socialize the way I used to before. The breakup was hard, but what was harder was not getting the closure I needed badly.
After a few months from our breakup, a friend of his came to visit. To this day, I still remember his words ringing in my ears, “You deserve to know your own worth. You don’t have another option but to move on.”
His words were the slap I needed to wake up from the illusion I kept myself in for months.
Breaking up is never easy and separating from the person we love or think we are going to stay with is devastating. But I moved on, and I know in my heart we all can.
Here are eight ways to move on and let go:
1. Remember who you were before you two met. The first step that helped me move on was remembering the woman I was before meeting him—the woman who loved life and lived it to the fullest. Connect again with who you used to be in order to create a new present.
2. Don’t forget about your goals. When we break up, we feel that our personal goals are silly or not good enough. But once we proceed with them, we will remember that they are worth it. They will also bring us back to life and remove us from the loop of emotional despair.
3. Open your heart again. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with that man, but it wasn’t true. And although the separation was painful, I had to accept the fact that I needed to open my heart again and let love enter my soul once more. So if you feel ready to date again, go for it.
4. Be patient with yourself as you heal. The good news is you will move on, the bad news is it’s going to be tough. I remember seeing his face in every man and I couldn’t help but compare our relationship to my present ones. This phase will pass, but until it does, be patient.
5. Try not to ask questions. I kept asking myself what happened. Why did he leave? Why did he disappear? Was it me? Him? Us? But I never got the answers to any of the questions that my mind had created. The answers might never reveal themselves to us, but with time they will dissipate.
6. Challenge yourself. When we break up, we could feel incompetent, which tremendously affects our self-confidence. Do things that matter to you and prove to yourself once more that you are successful and deserve someone who appreciates you. You’re strong—you can do it.
7. Take out the lessons. The lesson for me was to be careful and not trust just anyone who crosses my path. I also learned that I should be aware when people take advantage of my kindness and good heart. What did you learn from your own breakup? Take out the lesson because it stays with you forever.
8. Karma exists. Don’t seek revenge. What goes around comes around.
After so many years from this awful separation, I moved on and got over it. I believe that everything will pass, even if at the time it appears that it won’t. We can endure so much, and though our hearts might appear to be flimsy, they are not. Believe in yourself.
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