* Warning: naughty language ahead!
Over the last month, my mind has shifted dramatically.
My everyday life changes have brought me to a place of inner surrender to a greater power, that today, I will call god (not in a religious way for god’s sake).
I have prayed more than any other time in my life.
God responded with the same answer: telling me to drop my attention into my body.
“Look inside,” it said to me, several times.
I looked deeply, and for the first time, felt myself from within my body.
I realized I am a tremendously erotic woman and being.
I thrive when I am being touched either by my own hands or by the hands or body of another.
My heart expands when my senses are open. All of them.
I lose track of time and I am fully present in the now.
I love erotic plays and erotic music.
I also love to write erotic poetry. That’s my inner muse. And I follow her whenever she leads me in her fantasies and her thirst for erotica.
I am getting more and more in touch with the woman within me and the many layers of her.
First, she is a bad bitch.
She is powerful.
She is so beautiful, I cry sometimes watching her do her thing.
She is deeply connected with my body. And as a dancer and highly sensitive person, my body is the greatest instrument for my many wake-up calls of spiritual awakenings.
I can’t believe how much I repressed my erotic self, by dating losers when I was young and lost.
Dating assholes and abusers of my sex, when I was too afraid of my sexual desires and, thus, repressed them.
Engaging in unfulfilling sexual encounters because of my early sexual trauma.
But lately, the inner woman in me is evoking herself and rising up, taking me to new heights of her manifestation.
Her first manifestation is her badness. Her bitchyness. The way she moves and arouses my senses and soul.
She is the foundation at the deepest part of my soul. And I have pushed her away for my entire life, until now.
I love sensuality and erotic movements. Taboo movements, if you will.
I feel filled up when my body performs in certain dance styles.
It can be triggering for some people but the truth is, I’m not here for you, bitch.
I am here to be my own kind of bad bitch.
I am here to allow myself to be free. All of her.
The wild and the soft.
The controversial and the paradox.
The shadows and the light.
Every woman has more than 50 shades of grey. There are more so of black shades.
But we are told and taught to push them away.
And these parts of us as women never go away, do they?
They will demand our attention—again and again and again.
Oh, and watching myself dance on my fucking eight-inch, pole-high thigh boots with my favorite outfit on turns me on.
My inner bitch literally turns me on.
And I am tired of playing masks with the world.
I am tired of pretending she is not there when she is the most beautiful part of me and the woman inside of me.
Because she is raw and genuine and pure in her wilderness.
Being inspired by my inner bad bitch, I wrote a manifesto, and I hope every woman reading this benefits somehow from it.
Allow your inner woman to come forth and tell you stories you did not know existed.
Allow her to show you the way. A different way of being when you feel more in harmony within for allowing your being to expand in her fullness—sexual and spiritual being as one.
Make peace with your shadow woman or your inner bitch.
Let her come out and tell you about all her wounds, and tears and what excites her the most. What turns her on the most.
That’s your inner life juice.
Without her, you are literally lost.
The bad bitch manifesto:
1. You say goodbye to the “good girl” in you—kissing her old wounds and her naivety away, thanking her for the journey to where you are now.
2. You are a shapeshifter who changes and evolves every day. You are magical. Deeply erotic and sexual in your primal life force, and you accept all of it.
3. You desire a lot of money because wealth is your birthright and you ask for it. Period.
4. You get what you want. Once clear on what you want, you go out there and get that shit. Not forcefully. But by pulling it into your life because it belongs there. What you want, wants you. Period.
5. You give zero fucks about how others perceive you, knowing well that they see in you the best or the ugliest parts of themselves. Let them go and be. And allow yourself to be you.
6. You know and feel a knowledge that being a bad bitch is an art, and you embody that art through your body, through your mind, through your pussy and heart as one, to free your inner feminine from ancient repression of the patriarchal system.
7. You get shit done. And your shit is nothing less than magical/otherworldly/unique/never-seen-before-kind-of-thing.
8. You say, “No thank you” and set clear boundaries, and if those ears don’t listen, you say politely, “Bitch get the fuck out of my way.” And you mean it.
9. You speak up for yourself, for your needs, your feelings, and your deep thoughts without fear or shame.
10. You are compassionate toward other humans and women, understanding that they come from the same world as you do, yet if necessary, you will put that bitch in their place without any doubt or questions if needed.
11. You are your own greatest support system, knowing you are allowed to live a life that excites you and makes you happy even when others don’t understand it.
12. You know your inner bitch can be sensitive and vulnerable sometimes, and those are the times you honor her even more.
13. You love good, quality sex and erotic plays with yourself or your lover or partner, and choose partners who are in tune and in alignment with your heart and mind and pussy. That being said, you love a good, quality fuck between two souls.
14. You want a real man or real men by your side, and if they cannot handle all of you, you know they are not for you. So you dare to walk alone until you cross paths with a gentleman who not only is a giver but who handles and celebrates all parts of you. Aligning with every inch of your skin and cells of your body.
15. You know your inner bitch is as bad as she is wise and talented, so you honor all her layers and allow for all her self-expressions and little and big pleasures to manifest with self-awareness in order to avoid unnecessary pain, situations, and people who might misunderstand and devalue you as a woman. Fuck them.
16. You know you are genuine and pure at your deepest core. And that your heart and mind are filled with erotic juice for a reason—to keep you creating new worlds into being for your benefit and for the benefit of others.
17. Your mind is usually genuine and you have a childlike view of the world, yet your bad bitch knows when she is pissed, and she will do everything to turn all the stones and pull you out of every dark place you might have fallen into.
18. Your inner bad bitch loves all parts of you. She is a powerful container of paradoxes within you. She sees the wolf and the butterfly in you.
19. She knows when it’s time to let go of places, friendships, partnerships, activities, and more. She just knows.
20. Your inner bitch does not doubt herself. She is confident and a powerhouse of creativity.
21. She embodies and contains all your sexual and sensual desires, fantasies, and carnal senses you have repressed and not allowed into your being for fear of being seen for who you truly are.
22. Finally, your inner bitch is bad because she does not obey any rule or anyone’s manual of life. She designed her own fucking life through trials and mistakes, through transforming her pain into art. Believe in her and allow her to live in the open. Let her be your ritual, your place of solace, of prayer, of mediation, and of creativity.