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I’ve been blocked up lately.
Not feeling much in the way of creativity or energy for creation. Writing in all its forms has been slow, like frozen molasses. The sweetness has been hard to get at.
Painting has been a little easier. Somehow images and color are easier to reach than words, but not much.
So much time spent at home. So much time spent worrying about COVID-19, being separated from my family and friends and from social activities, from mourning loved ones to supporting others in their grief.
I feel shallow when I say that I also miss going to the movies and out to a restaurant for brunch or dinner. I miss being able to be in public without a mask and without fear of spreading or catching the virus.
I would love to have a “normal” class with my students—with us all relaxed in my classroom, casually chatting about the book we are reading, philosophy, life in general.
I miss not having to worry if my daughter is going to work, or that someone on my husband’s job site isn’t healthy. I’d love us to be able to just do our thing without constantly worrying about safety.
I’m usually a creative person. I have so many ideas that pour forth like water filling a tub at full speed all hours of the day and night, but they have stopped or, at least, are trickling into a shallow basin.
I’m anxious and sad. I want so much to be more productive and yet feel like I’m stuck. My brain feels wrapped in cotton batting unable to find clarity. I have all these hazy ideas about things I’d like to do or “should” be doing, but I’m unable to find the clarity and energy to do them.
I know I am not alone.
I put pressure on myself to do more, to be more, to create more, and then that pressure, ironically, makes it all the more difficult.
What advice would I give others? Relax. Breathe. Rest. Write. Exercise. Cook. Eat. Cuddle a loved one and a pet. Watch or read something comforting. Play.
Things will “normalize” at some point. We will find our way again when we are ready for finding it. When it is ready to be found.
Self-care and relaxation are important, too. Breathe. All we have is now.
Stop projecting and filling your brain with self-criticism. Be kind to yourself and allow the flow and energy to find its way again without anxiety or worry.
Breathe in. Exhale out. Repeat.