April 20, 2021

A Blue Security Blanket Called “Ticky”—& How it Made my Childhood Safe.


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When I was a child, I had a security blanket which I called “Ticky.”

It was blue and the edges were frayed from rubbing it so much with my thumb and two fingers whenever I felt scared or before going to bed.

It brought me comfort.

What I would give now to have that blue “ticky” blanket. To be able to rub the silky edges to find comfort when I feel alone or scared.

When I was a child, I lived in a tumultuous, dark home environment. But I would find comfort in a weekend’s stay at my grandparents.

I felt seen and heard by these two people in my life who cared and laughed when I was silly. It was such a reprieve from the life I lived at home.

I heard once that for children in abusive homes, it only takes one person who believes in them to help them grow and excel, and for me, it was my grandparents. I loved sitting in their big, La-Z-Boy boy chair, with my headphones on, or while watching my favorite movie, which was “Flashdance.” I loved going to the store with them where they would buy me a magazine or Archie comic book.

They were so proud of me that they would introduce me to the grocery clerk and anyone else who would take notice. I felt loved, which is really the root of it all, right? Feeling unconditionally loved?

Not all of us grow up with that in our home, but having a place to go to for a reprieve—a place of safety and warmth—can do wonders for our little childhood souls. To be tucked into bed and be given a glass of water with crinkly ice, to be cared for and told to sleep well, to be told I was loved and cared for, and to have nice clean sheets and the feeling of warmth surrounding me, with soft blankets in a quiet safe home.

The feeling that everything was going to be okay. I could breathe and be calm.

A lot of times these days, I feel like it’s hard to breathe. The pressure feels overwhelming. I told someone this week it felt like I’ve been treading water for so long, just trying to keep my head above water.

What if we could all have a magic blue “ticky” blanket that we could rub when things felt like too much? What if we could have a small reprieve from the day-to-day and the demands placed upon us—a quiet rest from the insidious goings in our brains?

I’d say the closest thing for me now is sitting down with a pen and a journal, and taking time to pray and write to connect with the divine. My creator wants the best for me—I need to stop and remember that.

Sometimes I feel so lost and alone I can barely come up for air. I am so hyper-focused on my needs and what others are up to—the comparing, and the getting lost in social media.

The next best thing is pulling out my yoga mat and doing a quick flow. Just seeing my breath on the mat reminds me to connect within and to breathe. Those deep healing breaths bring me back to what is. They take away the hurry and the rush. They create in me peace—a connection.

We aren’t meant to keep going and going without ceasing; we are meant to have time to reflect, to breathe, to focus, and to have spare moments when our brains aren’t scrolling on a screen device.

I have struggled this year to find my peace, I have forgotten to breathe, and I have neglected myself time and time again.

I pray we can come back to ourselves—to a spiritual connection. I pray that the comfort I felt when rubbing the silky edges of my blue “ticky” blanket can spread to other areas of my life and my interactions with others.

And I wish that for all of you.


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