April 13, 2021

Dear Husband, Thank You for not Being Wounded.

 Dear Husband,

You come from a place of lovewith two parents, siblings, and Church on Sunday.

You didn’t come to me with a deficit.

You didn’t come to me wounded.

Of course, you haven’t lived a perfect life and you have been hurt and sideswiped by pain, but you don’t have the deep,dark feeling of being wounded and empty.

Thank you for doing all that you do to ensure your family’s needs are taken care of before your own. (You are getting better at meeting your own needs too.)

You have integrity. You are a selfless giver. You give 110 percent to your job and your family.

You are a great father. You teach with the patience of a saint and it always comes from a place of love.

You are kind, tender, and gentle with people’s emotions. You don’t lose your temper over small things and we feel safe in your presence.

Thank you for always helping with the chores, groceries, and dishes. You are always there to lend a helping hand or run an errand, even after working all day.

I think sometimes I’m too scared to love you too much for fear you will go away. I still have my guarded armor up. I act tough and show bravado.

Even after 12 years, I can’t quite show myself or fully let go.

You see, I was wounded. I was told I wasn’t good enough and I believed it.

Because you don’t have that same deficit of love and nurturing, you can meet me where I am. You aren’t expecting me to fill your holes and I thank you for that.

I can be hard to love and you give me space when I need it. You come close even when you’re not sure it’s safe.

You can make jokes and see the bright side even when I’m not sure anything is funny.

You are the man who holds it all together. Who can fix anything and find a solution to almost any problem.

But you go without so that we can have what we need. You take the heel of the bread. You don’t buy yourself things you want so that we can have what we desire.

You put yourself last.

Husband, it’s time you knew. You don’t have to do it all. We all need a break sometimes.

Wherever you came from God brought me to you so I could know what it felt like to be loved unconditionally by a man.

He brought me to you so I could know what a real man looks like as I was orphaned by my father.

I carried the wound of not being wanted and used it to find approval from lots of different men, and I assumed that’s what men were like. But then I found you, and it’s taken me 12 years to trust that it’s real.

I want to enjoy it and appreciate you and not be too scared to let love in.

I felt it the night we conceived our son and I know it to be true: you are an angel. You are from heaven above. You came here to care for me and show me another way is possible.

You are a real man.

You’re not afraid to show emotion, but maybe you are. Maybe you are holding it all together for us. If that’s the case, I want you to know this is a safe place for you to let go too. It’s a safe place to feel your emotions, even as a man, who has been told you have to be tough and work hard to provide for your family.

I want you to know it’s safe and you have permission to take care of yourself too. Put yourself and your wants and needs first too.

We have a partnership and I want it to feel equal.

You are a wonderful role model for your son, but I want you to be happy too. I want you to fulfill those things on your bucket list and stop settling for scraps.

Thank you for this partnership.

May we rest easy in each other.


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