April 17, 2021

How the Movie “My Girl” Helped me through Grief.

When someone asks me for my favorite movie, my head starts to spin trying to find “that one.”

Most of the time, “My Girl” turns out to be the ultimate choice.

I have lost count of all the times that I have watched it. I have laughed and cried with it so many times.

Why is it my favorite if it makes me cry?

That’s how I get attached to movies, books, and music. They break me. In doing so, I create a sort of bond with them that, even if time passes and I forget about them for a while, they’re right here—inside my heart.


“My Girl” became important to me again in my early 20s because I went through something quite similar to the main character. There’s nothing like losing a best friend. Death leaves a hole in our hearts. Vada, our sweet handful of a main character from the movie, learns that the hard way—don’t we all really?

She always had this sort of confusing fascination toward death—what is it? Why do we die? How does it happen?

When I was maybe seven or eight, my mom told me what “death” meant. I asked myself the same questions. I even cried out of frustration because no matter where I looked, nothing and no one would give me an answer.

When tragedy strikes, we end up looking at the eyes of death without realizing it.

Death is comparable to love. In time, I learned to make peace with the fact that death is unavoidable. There’s no reason to fear or hate it.

Yet, grief is always in my broken heart.

Since Vada, in the film, copes with her loss by writing a poem, I decided to do the same. I’m no poet. It’s not perfect, but it comes from the deepest side of my heart—right where I still keep my best friend.


Vada Sultenfuss is a character of a movie,
She goes through changes and complications,
She likes to read on her vacation.
She has only one good buddy,
They climb trees and ride together,
He thinks she has too much imagination,
But that’s alright because she is taking poetry lessons.

She invents diseases and plays with dying,
She doesn’t know that Death is coming,
Not to her, but she’ll know all about it.

She gets lost, where’s she gonna go?
She’s gonna visit their favorite place,
And will remember he’ll always be there
Living in her memories,
Living in her heart,
The same one who’s now missing a part.

How can she know things will be alright?
Maybe she doesn’t,
But she has to let the days go by,
Stop her tears and start to smile,
He’s now in a better place,
He’s living in her heart.

I try not to think about you,
But that’s all I do right now.

If only I knew what you’d do,
Probably sing bad songs,
And wear the best smile of the room,
You’ll probably be covered in light,
Dancing with everyone around you.

You see, I can’t stop remembering you,
It feels like I’m not living
Because I’m not with you.
You won’t take me to the movies,
I’m not the kid I knew.
You were still proud of me,
I don’t know if I gave you reasons to.

You are in everything I write.
You’re not here,
But you are in all the beauty I meet.

If you want me to be clear:
Why? How?
I don’t need the answers, I need you,

It’s alright because you know I love you.

If you don’t want me to cry, then I’ll stop.
But sometimes you must know it’s hard,
I miss you and I have to tell you that.


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