4.1
May 12, 2021

Divorce is an Opportunity to Write your New Life. 

It all starts with that ideal image—that dream of a perfect life together.

The home, two kids, and maybe even a dog—the perfect life, right?

The reality is very different. We’ve made a fundamental mistake being with this person and now it’s a life that feels like a prison we’re trying to escape from. When we eventually reach the end of the life we had envisioned, that is when it’s time to begin the first chapter of the best book we’ve ever written.

It’s gonna be a f*cking best seller.

Walking away from a marriage can be hard, but ultimately we need to remind ourselves of the reasons we reached that point in the first place.

When a primary relationship is unhappy, the evidence of misery is coming out of every pore. As people try to figure out how to cope with their unhappiness, they change their habits, personalities, and pursuits until they are barely recognizable—even to themselves.

It’s only when people point out how much they have changed when they say they are leaving the relationship that they realise this is true. Ouch.

We all know in ourselves we have given it our all, but more than likely, there was something fundamentally missing. It’s a hole that over time has gotten larger—now to the point that it doesn’t matter what you can use to fill the cracks because it will never be the same again. There wouldn’t be enough filler in the world to repair this. We shouldn’t have had to bang our heads against the wall to make the hole so large in the first place.

If the relationship becomes weakened and brittle and we still choose to stay, then we’ll live our lives with falsities by bending our will to please others. But in our heads, we’ll be yearning for the opportunity and potential life we walked away from, and damn, that would hurt for a lifetime.

Staying can sometimes seem okay for a short while, but eventually, in time, things will return back to the life that led us to want to leave in the first place—it’s just this time it’s going to be a damn sight harder to leave. More eyes will be watching us—our every move scrutinized more than it ever had been before.

Do you think we’ll have a chance to do this again?

When we reach the point of divorce, usually, there has been a series of events—or even one large event—that has pushed us past the point of no return. There was a line way back where things could have been resolved, but that line is so far in the past that we can hardly see it anymore, and, being honest, would we even care if we could? These events broke trust, and the love we once felt has been replaced by something else—we know we’ll never love this person in that way ever again.

Staying in a bad marriage can provide security because at least we know how our lives will go.

But getting a divorce can give us hope—the hope to be who we want to be, the hope to be happy, and the hope to find someone else to love. And in time, the right person will come along, and we’ll see why all the reasons we left were valid, and all the reasons to be excited about the future.

“Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.” ~ Carl Jung

Many couples realize they are unhappy and still decide to stay married “for their children’s sake.” But this is a really bad idea. Children can hear sarcasm and arguments and may constantly feel stressed by the tension in an unhappy marriage.

Even more than all of this, they might be confused about what a healthy relationship is and isn’t, which can lead to huge problems in their future personal life. If we don’t want to ruin our children’s psychological state, then we should show them how to respect each other and find a compromise.

And don’t forget a golden rule—a happy parent means a happy child.

Ultimately, if we have done all the work to make the marriage better and nothing is changing, finding the courage to leave and move forward pays off in the long run.

The payoff? We stop putting all our energy into a relationship that no longer works and we put more energy into ourselves and our kids.

“Divorce brought me happiness. Life is far too short to spend it immersed in an unhealthy relationship.” ~ Nicole Lavery

When we decide to leave a bad marriage—yes, we lose a spouse—but we gain happiness instead. Life is too short to waste it on contradictory people and unhealthy relationships that make us feel like we’re not good enough. If our marriage is only making us feel unfulfilled and unhappy, it’s definitely time to go.

Of course, divorce might be a shock at first, but later we’ll be able to turn this page and open up a new chapter in our life that could be much more amazing than the previous one.

That, my friends, says it all. So if you are reading this and you are at the point of divorce, then take the leap. Don’t sit on the edge of the plane door with your parachute on, hoping for someone to push you; take control and jump yourself into the unknown, and yes, it’s going to be tough—scary even—but when you see through the clouds it will be clearer than anything.

Read 6 Comments and Reply
X

Read 6 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Jay Joaquim  |  Contribution: 6,420

author: Jay Joaquim

Image: @invadingkingdom/Unsplash

Editor: Juliana Otis