What most men tell me about letting their guard down is that they don’t want to appear weak and make a fool of themselves.
Society has told them they need to be brave, strong, and always in control.
They cannot show their real emotions because the rejection and vulnerability are just too difficult to deal with—especially the shame of not being enough: smart enough, wealthy enough, good looking enough, or tough enough.
As a result, men are unaware as to what they are feeling because they have told themselves it’s not safe to feel and it’s not acceptable in society. At work, they may hear things like, “Leave your personal life at home.” They are afraid of losing respect from others, being judged, and risking getting hurt.
When they feel uncomfortable, they make choices that keep themselves busy: going to the gym or playing a sport, watching television, smoking, drinking alcohol, taking drugs, or having meaningless sex—anything that distracts them from feeling within.
This creates a massive disconnection from their hearts, bodies, and sexuality.
It’s easy to keep busy and avoid real feelings, but this creates problems within themselves and their relationships, particularly their romantic partners. They are never able to get to the core truth of who they are and express what they really want and feel.
This can cause their partners to feel as if they don’t really know them, and eventually, they too will have their guard up, unable to reveal the intimate parts of themselves.
I wish for the men in our world to feel safe, vulnerable, and to be able to talk about feelings, fears, desires, and sexual fantasies. I wish for them to do without shame because this is true courage.
Men sometimes spend a lifetime living a lie while trying to please everyone. They feel as if they have to perform like a porn star in the bedroom doing all the right things according to society’s standards.
They focus on others or their careers to escape their feelings, but all of this is to avoid being truthful with themselves and when conflict arises, it’s really about avoiding connection with others. Connection and being seen is really what we all want.
These are the real weaknesses (that women perceive) in men:
>> A man who ghosts (disappears) without an explanation
>> A man who uses anger instead of his real feelings
>> The nice, sweet, sensitive guy is not cutting it for most women—they are usually passive-aggressive types
>> A man who won’t deal with the real problems in a relationship
>> A man who is selfish in bed or with money, and wants things his way all the time
>> A man who won’t have serious conversations, particularly about the future
>> A man who is needy (he wants constant attention due to his lack of confidence)
>> A man who doesn’t take responsibility for his actions and usually blames others
A man in his divine masculine is appealing, desirable and has these qualities:
>> He is assertive, willing to take risks, and not passive about his desires
>> He is action-oriented, takes initiative, and sets goals and plans
>> He is confident in who he is and doesn’t waver from his truth
>> He is clear and objective about what he wants and doesn’t care what others think of him
>> He defends his rights peacefully but assertively
>> He takes responsibility for his own happiness, feelings, and choices
>> He is not always in his head; he’s aware of what he’s feeling before taking action
The happy wife, happy life quote is a fallacy and personally, it makes me cringe.
Your partner wants to be challenged and wants to be called out on things you don’t like. He wants to really know what’s going on in your heart and mind—no matter what the truth is.
This is a real connection, vulnerability, and growth for both of you.
I, personally, love to see men be vulnerable, as it lets me know they feel safe to be open with me.
If you feel unsafe opening up, you might have to look at healing your relationship to the masculine and look at your past conditioning.
What have you learned, from your father, society, religion, and porn about being a man?
Does it really resonate with your truth or is this just a conditioning that doesn’t really allow you to grow and be in your highest expression?
I give you permission, dear men, to be vulnerable. Take the risk and see what you are capable of creating internally and externally. Do this with whom you feel safe.
It may lead to real intimacy and ecstatic sex.
Notice how it feels to be incredibly honest about how you really feel and what you desire.