4.9
May 15, 2021

When Life Weighs you Down, Know that you’re Never Alone. 

This week, I felt buried under obligations, big and small, that even getting out of bed was hard.

Brushing my teeth was too much of an effort sometimes. I felt like my body is getting tired, worn out. I don’t have that same vivacious energy I once carried in my youth.

Life feels mundane; it’s the same thing every day. How do I make my life feel less like Groundhogs Day? I’m tired of reading and writing the same old articles about “seizing the day.”

We have a serious mental health crisis on our hands and the energy is heavy. The pervasive darkness I feel is real, and I don’t believe it’s our job to pretend that it isn’t. I do believe we need to ask the question,”What are we going to do about it?”

Sometimes, extra hours of sleep, a nice meal, or even a get-together with a friend can help. But this isn’t a self-help article—not today.

Today, I want to give us the time to feel what we are feeling and not to shove it back down. Let’s take some time to not beat ourselves up for feeling bad or not trying to fix it. Let’s just be here for today; let’s give ourselves some grace.

We have been going at a breakneck pace. We deserve to slow down and ask ourselves what we need. Let’s take care of ourselves. Others can wait.

I know what you are thinking. If I don’t keep going at 180 miles per hour, everything will pile up and I will have more to do later and tomorrow. I can’t afford to stop.

I hear you; I feel that way too. But let’s do this for ourselves. Let’s find a place to breathe and comfort ourselves. We do so much for others; it’s time to reconnect with ourselves.

I don’t know about you, but I tend to isolate myself. I love spending time alone and using it to recharge, but too much time away can be dangerous for me.

I am in recovery and am not as connected with people as I’ve once been in the past. I don’t have much family or people checking in on me. I have some pretty irrational thinking, sometimes, which can get me feeling low.

When life feels heavy, I want you to know you don’t have to carry it alone. When it feels like everything is falling apart and you don’t know the next step to take, I recognize that feelings do change. They are not permanent, but I know it feels that they are.

It’s hard for me to bring myself out of the funk I feel, and part of me knows better not to avoid going through the feelings in order to heal it.

But what if I never come out? What if this is the time I get lost in my darkness and can’t find my way back into the light?

I have those fears. I get scared. I worry that I won’t come back up to the surface of my grief or pain or worry, and that this will be my new persona. Hi, my name is Melissa, and I’ve gone emo permanently.

I miss laughing; I miss feeling free.

I don’t have a lot to complain about in my life, but I still find myself seeking more. I feel like I’m missing out, not having enough fun, and just going through the motions of this one life I have to live.

I want to be remembered as a happy person, but to be honest, the people I live with probably wouldn’t choose that as their first description of me. Instead, they would choose words like worried, tweaker, crabby, tired. Those are more like it.

If you feel like you are lifting the world’s weight on your shoulders, I’m here to tell you that you are not alone. But I don’t have any advice for you—at least not today. In fact, I’m pretty empty to offer any self-help advice

I just want to be. I want to find freedom. I want to find my joy.

And I know it’s there somewhere.

 

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