The process of healing is not just yoga, gong baths, and ecstatic dances.
It’s not just singing mantras and gulping down copious amounts of plant medicines.
Don’t get me wrong, these are all amazing tools and beautiful practices that open us up and allow us to access parts of ourselves that need to be seen, but ultimately, the healing work comes from deep within our cells and time is needed to truly feel, integrate, and embody what is learnt in the process.
Deep healing is messy, uncomfortable, and can be hard work (if you resist it!). It’s not spiritual bypassing and it’s not for everyone. And in my humble experience, it isn’t necessarily something we choose, rather something that chooses us.
Life happens and we have no choice but to follow the whispers that are guiding us along the healing path. Usually physical or mental illness brings us to our knees to “wake up!”
Some may choose not to follow, although, I can pretty much guarantee that life will just keep getting more and more uncomfortable until one finally decides to surrender to what is unfolding.
And then when you think you’re surrendering, you realise you’re controlling the surrendering process, and it’s time to surrender more—to hand your life over to the Divine plan that is being perfectly orchestrated for you to reach your highest potential of who you truly are. For you to be in your fullest expression, your true essence emanating from you, inspiring others to do the same.
Without going into all the gritty details, I feel it’s important for me to share a part of my recent process, so that others know that they are not alone. I found great comfort in my journey reading and hearing others’ accounts, which made me realise I wasn’t going completely mad (which it felt like at times).
Having been on this path for many years, I know how lonely this journey can feel when the darkness consumes, and it can be easy to forget that there are others also experiencing elements of this in their own unique ways. Having spoken to many friends in my community, it seems everyone has been unraveling some really deep “stuff,” clearing out the muck, and getting real with themselves and their hearts.
Couple that with a global pandemic and the fear frequency of the collective field and you’ve got a pretty intense experience overall.
I’ve been going through what some would call a “breakdown;” however, in my line of work we would call it a “spiritual initiation” or a “quickening,” as there are many lessons to learn in this space of falling into the void, so to speak.
In my personal experience, there was a lot of integration that was needed, and without stillness, this just wasn’t going to happen. I’m a Generator so I like to go go go and create, usually to the point of burnout. Still learning this lesson, I was forced to stop all distraction as I had absolutely no capacity for holding space for others.
My heart said, “take a month off work” as my mind fought back and said, “Are you crazy? Now?” I knew deep in my bones that if I didn’t, I’d end up in an even worse place. I felt broken, and it was time to give to myself. To receive myself.
I found myself judging the process, even after all these years, and my ego came out to play with a vengeance, questioning it all rather than allowing. The more frustrated I got, the longer the process took, until I finally got it again. Oh yes, stop. Get into nature; listen; be still; allow; surrender even when the mind wants to attack. My heart was screaming for attention and wanted to be held.
I trauma released for weeks—crying, screaming, shaking, and purging in all ways. It was uncomfortable at the beginning and there were moments I thought it would never end. I felt myself slipping into what felt like a deep depression. In my darkest days, I understood why some choose to end their own lives. I got it. Being human isn’t always easy, but I also knew that life is also such a gift to experience. I had some assistance with therapists, healers, and Shamans.
During one of the sessions, I was reminded and received the message that I needed to hear: “You are your own medicine.” My higher self had spoken. I knew then that I needed to empower myself again to use my own medicine. And so I did.
Each day that unfolded after that, I began to understand what was happening and I started to welcome it all. I enjoyed the clearing. Each time it was creating more space and clarity. I made it beautiful and opened myself up to receive all that wanted to come through. I may make it sound easy at this point, but I assure you, it wasn’t! It wasn’t graceful at all—until I shifted my perspective into grace and ease. I could’ve made it much easier for myself. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
We are all going through such monumental shifts right now, as individuals and as a collective. There is no escaping it. Even if you hole’d yourself up in a cave somewhere, you’d experience the shifts.
It’s hard to put into words, but I can feel it, and I’m observing it in everyone around me. We are clearing out years worth of trauma from our bodies, and not just ours, but for our ancestors too. Immense light is infiltrating our planet more than ever. The planets are aligning and creating all sorts of chaos and change within our societies. Our old structures and ways of being are crumbling and becoming fragmented. The division between beliefs is becoming more apparent. It truly is a time between worlds.
What I’m learning is that in order to ride the waves with as much grace as possible, every one of my tools has to be out of the box and implemented. Meditation, movement practices, resting, following my intuitive feelings, standing in my power and not being swayed by others, knowing and feeling my own truth. This is imperative for us all to step up and step through the threshold into this new way. I don’t believe there is “going back to normal.”
There is only newness and we are the creators of what comes next. Most importantly, knowing ourselves, trusting ourselves, and following the call of our own hearts.
Follow the joy that fills your hearts, beautiful souls. Empower yourself to know that you are the medicine that you’ve been waiting for.
The collective field needs as many of us as possible to be in our hearts and in a frequency of love.
When the tidal waves come crashing in, breathe, get into nature, and know that this wave will soon become a gentle ripple lapping at the shore.
And remember that there is always something to be grateful for.