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June 13, 2021

How Scheduling Sex Improved my Marriage.

Sometimes the “stars do not align.”

Life gets hectic, we feel worn out, we cope with health issues, and we deal with our children.

There are a variety of reasons why couples go through dry spells where “getting busy” may fall to the bottom of the priority list. It does not mean that you do not love one another, nor does it mean you have lost your physical attraction for each other. Most certainly, it does not necessarily indicate relationship trouble.

It just happens, sometimes.

If you have a hopping sex life and never go through lulls, then great; this read is not for you! However, magical spontaneity is almost dead for so many of us in this fast-paced world we live in. Furthermore, over 20 million men have prescriptions for Viagra, which is expensive, and they probably do not want to waste a dose. There are simply innumerable reasons why something as important as sex should not be left to chance.

A few years ago, my husband of 24 years suggested we “schedule it”—as in putting it in our planners with specific dates and times. I laughed, and I told him that his idea sounded unromantic, boring, and weird. Ultimately, however, I became agreeable. My husband and I are both nurses, and we have a family life that keeps us busy.

Now that we have been scheduling it for a while, I can say it was a wonderful thing for our marriage. While, mostly, everyone knows that you need more than a great sex life for a happy marriage, physical intimacy is important for a variety of reasons. The way it strengthens your bond, and the pleasure of it, are just basics.

The nurse in me wants you to know that a healthy sex life is also important for your overall well-being. Obvious cornerstones of health, like sleep, exercise, water, and a healthy diet, get all the accolades, but sex is right up there in a league of its own. It lowers blood pressure, builds a strong immune system, decreases depression, improves sleep, helps relieve stress, is a natural pain remedy, and has many more benefits.

So, back to the scheduling topic. This does not mean that you cannot ever be spontaneous (yay, a bonus round!). As for my husband and I, we treat it as if it were an appointment, a meeting, a work shift, or some other important commitment.

No discussions. If it is on the planner, it is on the planner.

Also, much to my surprise, it is not boring at all. Having something on the calendar to look forward to is exciting. And in anticipation, maybe I decide to shave my legs, or my husband takes a nap. We have made it a priority, and I am quite happy we did!

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Jessica DuBois Lee  |  Contribution: 220

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