I’m sitting outside, observing the vibrant green of the waving Chinese elms in my parents’ backyard, the even greener and tall grass sprouting up from the earth.
The sky seems bluer here as my feet are plunged in a dirt patch just at the edge of the cement walkway.
My skin is vibrating. I feel weightless, carefree, stress-free.
If I close my eyes to listen, I can hear the flutter of hummingbird wings at the nearby feeder and the hum of the bees busy in their hive.
Not long before this, I was lying on a table surrounded by soft music and a room buzzing with the energy of countless crystals. The practices of energy healing.
My dad tells me I’m a ray. A silver ray—people born to this planet to make a positive difference in the lives of others. To be a light for others who can’t or aren’t ready to see what’s glowing within them.
I started practicing energy healing around age 11 after my mom received her first energy healing. This was before I really knew the magnitude of its powers and capabilities to heal and let go. My mom met my stepdad (who I refer to fondly as my dad), who had practiced this type of energy work—his lifelong pursuit of being of benefit to others.
They’re called awakenings.
Awakening work is akin to Reiki and Quantum Touch, but includes much more in-depth readings to help pinpoint the deeper struggles you’re facing. I wish I could explain it better, really, but each energy session is different for everyone.
My mom was a smoker and drinker at the time she met him. After her first energy healing intensive, a week-long retreat in Colorado, my mom never smoked another cigarette or sipped an alcoholic beverage.
She was forever changed.
When she told us about awakenings as children, I remember my sister and I dancing around the living room with glittering sashes, falling to the floor, covering ourselves up with these sheer pieces of fabric, and shouting, “We’re getting awakenings, Mom!”
Back then, there was a shift in energy we didn’t notice or even acknowledge in our youth and innocence. From that point on, this would be a method I used to celebrate the best parts of myself and clear out everything else that was ugly.
And goodness, there was a lot of ugly within me—but there was a lot of good too.
When I was a child, my parents went through a rough divorce. The effect of this has been something I still go to therapy for.
For years after my father walked away, I believed there was something wrong with me, or tore myself down all because I didn’t know how to love myself. I believed I required love from others to feel whole. I was conditioned to be reactive and aggressive and manipulative.
At the same time, I had two loving parents working to teach me the opposite. But as a young person going through so much confusion, there were times it was really hard to know what was real, process what I was feeling, and communicate my discomfort and confusion.
Looking back from 32 years old, I see now how complex it was to go through any of that as a child just trying to grow up and learn who they are.
My childhood conditioning—believing I wasn’t good enough and that I was undeserving of anything good—made me believe I had nothing to offer this world. And when I decided there was nothing good in me, I fell into a deep, nearly suicidal depression, losing the light within me as each day passed.
I put on my face so my parents never suspected anything was wrong (although as seasoned lightworkers themselves, they probably knew something was up). I hid my alcoholism and depression until it nearly killed me.
My early 20s were truthfully awful and full of painful crippling lessons. Energy healing is what saved me. That and the moment I was guided back to myself.
Without question, energy work has been the reason I’m even half the woman my mother is, and a mere shadow of who my biological father was. And all because my incredible stepdad walked into our lives 23 years ago.
Real awakenings are hard work and they are messy, but what I’ve always noticed, after years of practicing energy work, is that I always and without fail am a better person than I was after I get a session.
Energy work is meant to raise our vibrations, clean out the voids filled with darknesses, move on from what’s not working—and that requires examining all of our uglinesses. And each time we raise our vibrations, we help the world do the same. We prompt others around us to make positive changes, allowing them to shine in totality.
It’s not easy work, looking at yourself. In fact, it’s terrifying.
I’ve had countless awakenings and still fear getting on the table to work through my own sh*t. I’ve dreaded the idea of facing my shame and anger and sadness when I know the option to just pack it up tight and close it off in my mind is a much easier one.
But the fear of suffering is always worse than the suffering itself. And each time I pack away a little piece of that pain, it comes back bigger and worse than before in later years.
If I were honest, energy healing, being a lightworker is where I think I should be, but even I still get lost at times. The truth is, I haven’t given an awakening in four years until my dad asked me a few weeks ago.
For a moment, I was afraid I had forgotten how, afraid I would do it wrong, or worse, that I wasn’t a good lightworker.
But I said yes.
Deep down I knew I could do it and that there was no way I could possibly forget.
It came naturally to me like this was something I was meant to do all along. I pushed the energy, stripping blocks from his energy field, paying close attention to my intuition and whatever guidance the Universe held for me.
I had forgotten how amazing it was to see someone so willingly coming to the table to let go of things that weren’t working. I forgot how amazing it was, getting to be a part of that process.
By the time I had finished, I was nearly in tears, looking down on this person I call father, who taught me this work, who has always seen the light in me first, even when I’m at my worst. There was no doubt this energy surrounded me and always had, but I had chosen to ignore it and focus more on the human experience.
I’m surrounded by people in this world who are afraid to wake up and afraid to face their darkness. They shove that darkness into someplace quiet, hoping it’ll go away, covering it up with fake faces used to please everyone around them and make it appear as if all is well.
Being awakened is like being a sober person in a crowd of drunk people.
But I get it. They fear suffering; they fear the pain they’ll go through and no one wants to feel pain.
A week or so after I did his awakening, he asked me to assist with another, and there it was again, that euphoric feeling of facilitating a healing session, helping others, and seeing them so willingly raise their vibration.
I can’t describe how much life it gave me. It made me start assessing what my actual purpose on this planet is. I think deep down I always knew this was a part of my purpose.
There are days I am not the best lightworker or not as brave with accepting this part of me. Sometimes I live too much in reality and forget my spiritual self. There are days I don’t meditate and days I let drama reign free.
But I always come back to the part of myself, the one people seem to fear or envy for reasons they can’t explain, the one who is willing to withstand vulnerability and ugliness without getting defensive, the one to hold loving spaces for people who aren’t ready or don’t quite understand just yet.
It can be hard to live in this world as a lightworker because you’re either crazy or no one takes you seriously. But with that, I realize those judgments are less about me and more about people who see my light as they choose to ignore theirs.
Without this work, I know I would’ve been a different person, a more troubled person riddled with the ghosts of her past and still playing the victim.
Awakenings are the type of energy work we do in my household, and we do share the magic of it with others, but there are countless energy healing techniques in the world that are all geared toward the same goal: you being your absolute best self in this confusing human existence and learning to fully and unapologetically love and embrace who you are.
For energy healing to work within you, you must go with the intent to heal and the willingness to let go. That is at the forefront of your own healing.
Energy healing sessions will be helpful to people experiencing:
>> Lack of motivation
>> Lack of joy
>> Lack of courage
Any possible negative vibration imaginable.
But energy healing also enhances:
It’s healthy and normal to have energy work done regularly, much like you would do for massages, dentist appointments, daily meditations, and annual checkups.
You take care of your physical wellness; why not take care of your spiritual wellness too?
Is it really so bad to want to work through our own sh*t on a physical, mental, and spiritual level so you can be a better person?