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In a time that seems and feels so dark, where we focus only on the lack, the dysfunction, and the pain we feel, I find it’s time to shift our perspective to one that will help us to find our happy place in this magical world.
Let us leave all of those negative and draining thoughts behind us and focus on what is versus what should be. Let’s celebrate the happiness, the triumphs, the wins, what excites us, what works, and what has stayed.
Yes, we have all lost something, be it a lover, a friend, a home, a job, and so much more. We all have our story that we cling to for dear life as we let it define us. We love to share it, talk about it, and even dramatize it, especially when someone new enters the scene.
This story clearly defines us.
But we don’t have to be our story. We don’t have to be our trauma, our issues, our infidelity, our divorce, our addictions, our failures, and our past.
Every day we can choose to be exactly what the moment is, and that doesn’t have to include our past. We don’t have to live inside our story; we do not have to tell it to anyone anymore—it has been heard. We do not have to be defined by what was, and we can now be defined as what is.
I am sure we have all heard statements like:
>> Don’t let your past define you
>> Keep your eye on the prize
>> The past is in your rearview mirror
>> Be here now
I am sure it feels impossible to change your thought process, shift perspective, and get out of your story, but I feel like it’s time.
We spend so much time trying to figure out the why, and even worse, trying to figure out other people, that we end up wasting the energy we could be putting into this present moment; you know, the one that actually exists and hasn’t happened yet.
Instead, we focus on the past as if we can rewrite it or we think if we can figure it out then everything will fall into place. Well, friends, I am here to tell you that it can’t, it won’t, and sadly, the moments that you are spending trying to recreate the past are moments that you will never get back.
Ask yourself when telling your story, living in the past and ruminating about your experiences, how many things you have neglected by doing so. By not being present did you ignore your spouse, your child, a work project, your home?
Have you become so lost in thought that you don’t even know how much time has past? And by doing this, what did it accomplish? Did you rewrite history? Change the story?
No, you didn’t!
So, let’s spend some time together and focus on creating some new chapters in your story, so that you can stop telling the same old story to anyone who will hear you.
1. Redirect—find ways to be present and focus on the moment you are in. I call this redirecting. When you start ruminating about the past, trying to figure out the why or obsess about something other than the moment in front of you, redirect immediately. Redirecting = engaging in anything other than the listed behaviors.
2. Create new and amazing memories.
3. Get active and start enjoying your present life.
4. Make a daily list at the end of every day of three things that brought you joy.
5. Be grateful for the little things.
6. Connect with your favorite people.
7. Make new friends.
8. Do something for someone.
9. Learn something new.
10. Do something that scares you.
11. Surround yourself with people who lift you up.
12. Remove people who do not.
13. Do not tell your story—make peace with it and put it away.
14. Live each day as if you weren’t sure there would be another.
15. Don’t put off anything.
16. Use all your good things and never save them for a special occasion.
17. How we feel is directly correlated to how we look. It’s not shallow, it’s a fact. Need a haircut? Get one. Roots need to be dyed? Dye them. Want to lose a few pounds? Eat better and exercise.
18. Stop complaining.
19. Always choose love.
As always, my stories comes from my experiences. I had this epiphany today as I was watching “Iyana: Fix My Life.” She said some powerful words, which impacted me greatly; however, I cannot recite them or I will butcher them. The moral of the story is that you are not your story. Your success isn’t based on your story and the longer you stay in your story, the longer you stay stuck.
I realized that I was living in my story and my trauma. I was not letting it go. I have had so much growth in every area of my life except in love and that is because I have not let go. It’s as if I believed it was protecting me; however, the truth is that it isn’t protecting me. It’s stunting me from so much and it’s time to let it go.
So, I encourage you as I embark on this journey of changing my perspective and letting go of my story, to join me in creating a new chapter in your story as you move forward and let go of the past too.