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For most of my life, I was someone who couldn’t, in any way, accept not succeeding in life.
I was used to working my ass off and getting what I wanted. But then reality struck hard and started making me question the horrid emotions I encountered every time I confronted a huge or even minimal failure in my life.
I started wondering, what if my approach to failure was all wrong? What if failure is actually the generator of hope? What if without failure, success wouldn’t be the same?
I used to be so heady and kept fighting for what I wanted until I read about “amor fati,” which is a Latin saying from the great Friedrich Nietzsche, which basically stipulates that one must accept their fate, including hurt and suffering, as they are deemed not just okay but necessary in one’s journey.
This is when I decided to invest time and effort to change the way I handled failure in my life. I started fighting every instinct, every feeling in every cell in my body, telling me to dwell on my failures, and instead chose to see each failure as the universe’s way of telling me that sometimes it is better to let go and accept each part of the process. And damn, does it feel good to sometimes grab what life throws at me and throw it right back as a way of letting go!
We all have patterns that keep us stuck—the same sh*t that keeps happening to us again and again. And while recognizing these patterns might be easier than we think, the problem often lies in actually having the guts and power to break them and make it out better than ever on the other side.
The pattern often goes something like this:
>> A problem comes our way. At first, we are surprised—barely able to process a situation that came out of nowhere to disturb our so-called peace.
>> Then comes the overwhelming emotions, sadness and anger, and not being able to accept our current reality.
>> And then, the most difficult and crucial part of processing a problem: the moment we ask ourselves, “Why does this keep happening to me?” Once we’re at this point is when we know it’s time to change our approach and evolve in a way that keeps us from repeating this same cycle and weakening our resolve every freaking time.
Some situations scream for us to wave the white flag, not in defeat but in victory. This is how, in technological terms, we gradually turn a bug into a feature.
Here are a few motivating methods that helped me break my deep-rooted, self-destructive patterns:
>> First and foremost, believe you can make it out. Believe you can implement change in your life, get your needs met, and achieve your goals. Believe you are capable and strong enough to sustain being in bloom.
>> After admitting we have a problem, it’s important to recognize how overcoming and changing our mindset can impact the next phase of our life—how much lighter we’ll feel once the burden of those feelings is released. I used to be the biggest procrastinator on Earth, which led me to finish everything, but always at the last minute. This was debilitating and stressful. It was only when I visualized what my life could look like when I finished tasks on time that I was able to break the vicious cycle of procrastination and better manage my time, on both a personal and professional level.
>> Take the necessary action to turn your words into reality. In the midst of my procrastination, I started setting reminders, writing bucket lists, and crossing things off as I completed them. Initially, this wasn’t my favorite practice, but it has become my most effective antidote to putting tasks off and the repercussions of that.
>> Focus on maintaining your routines and your progress. Keep reminding yourself how far you’ve come and how oppressed you felt when you were stuck in this problematic cycle. This has been my fuel to keep going: I put in the work so I can become who I aspire to be.
Remember, no matter where you are and what you feel, whether you’re on top of the world or at the bottom of a pit, the only way out is up. And as “amor fati” states, everything we go through is necessary to make us who we are and get us where we want to be.