The clock is ticking and it soon will be time for me to board a plane and return to that from which I came – home!

My heart feels heavy, a heaviness like I’ve never know.

Is it possible to store up hugs and kisses?

Saying goodbye for now or “ Kadhu Hafiz “ a Persian goodbye breaks my heart.

The literal translation is “ God be with you” and today this is the perfect farewell.

I have always disliked goodbyes and now is no different.

I have spent the past three weeks with my family after over a year apart due to the Pandemic.

To be honest it has taken me this long to adjust. I’m not the only one my new grandson took just as long to warm up to my embrace.

I am wondering what the future will bring and already thinking about when I will be able to return.

I have been praying lately and asking for some guidance.

Last night I dreamt of my late father.

He pointed to a stream and told me to let everything go with the stream, all of my worries and pain. “ let go daughter, surrender here”. Those weren’t the exact words but what resonated after sleep had left me trying to make sense in the light of day.

That dream brought me great peace.

Surrendering seems to be my greatest life lessons. I’ve surrendered in relationships, following loss, grief and in transitions.
In difficult times have stubbornly fought knowing I needed to surrender. This was a battle within my own heart. I have slowly over time learned to let go of the people and things which I have no control over.

What more now I ask God?
Give it over to God would be another suggestion from my father.

We all carry burdens and some aren’t even ours to carry. Yet we are convinced we need to carry the heavy load and fear the unburdening.

I will let go and surrender here I tell myself.
This letting go is painful. It is a bit of a process too!

I will board the plane and let go placing my love one’s in God’s hands.

I will surrender and give my life over as well, I know on my own I seem to create more of a mess. Humans all tend to struggle with uncertainty and surrendering is a strength.

Tonight this is my prayer:

God be with me.

Fill my aching heart with love.

Walk with me and guide me as I surrender here.

Take my heart, my head and these hands.

Let me be an instrument of love and compassion.

Replace doubt and fear with peace.

Let Joy be my morning song.
Let forgiveness replace all hate

Be with me as I leave my family knowing that you are with them.

Alone I am weak and tired and frightened.

Be with me now – Fill us all with your love.

Amen