“Me? What? Of course not! I wouldn’t sabotage my relationship for the world!”
That would most likely be our answer if someone asks us if we’re sabotaging our relationship.
It’s crazy, right? But it’s perfectly normal. Almost all of us might be subconsciously ruining our relationships. We don’t mean to do it, and we surely don’t want to lose our partner, but we oftentimes exhibit behaviors that might push our partner away.
We’ve all been raised differently, so our childhood and past traumas can pretty much portray how we relate to our partners and deal with our relationships. We often subconsciously project our fears and traumas (fear of abandonment, having an absent parent, fear of rejection, or lack of attention) onto the relationship without recognizing that the decline of its success is linked to our own repetitive patterns.
If you’re already in a relationship that’s falling apart, it’s never too late to shed light on your (and your partner’s) behaviors and see where you can make amendments.
Here are seven common ways we might sabotage our relationship:
Overthinking. My mind has officially ruined many of my relationships. Because I’m scared of the unknown (aka outcome), I overthink as a defense mechanism. But my destructive thoughts have brought me nothing but trouble. Instead of creating scenarios in our heads, we must have the courage to sit and openly talk about whatever we are feeling or thinking.
Paranoia. When our insecurities kick in, paranoia waves at us. It’s even worse than overthinking because we’re constantly suspicious and vigilant. We may be anxious about our partner’s loyalty, honesty, or integrity. We may be worried that our partner wants to leave us or we think they no longer love us. We need to understand that being paranoid is only a reflection of our own hidden fears, and we must communicate whatever is bothering us or holding us down.
Blame. Constantly blaming our partner for anything and everything is surely the fastest way to the nearest exit. Before pointing the finger, we should pause and ask ourselves where our blame is coming from. Look within and check how you can react differently.
Lack of support. Creating a safe space for our partner is pivotal. We should provide emotional support during difficult times, take our partner’s issues seriously, and be willing to contribute to their happiness and success. Lack of support is the silent killer of our relationships, so we must put all our energy and effort into becoming our partner’s closest best friend—not only lover.
Lack of communication. Some of us don’t know how to communicate or maybe don’t know how to start conversations. Lack of communication creates unhealthy emotional triggers and negative feelings that can fester for years. Ask questions, say what’s on your mind, communicate what you need. Without words, actions are never enough.
Holding grudges. It’s normal to be annoyed or upset, but it’s unhealthy to keep problems alive in our heads and hearts. Holding grudges can seriously sabotage our relationships. We think bitterness means punishment; in fact, it means the end of a relationship. We must learn how to forgive, forget, and move on if we want our partnerships to thrive.
Insincerity. Honesty is important for the success of any relationship. When we’re not honest, we give our partner the impression that they can’t trust us. And without trust, love slowly dies. Always be honest, even if the truth hurts.