August 1, 2021

On Loneliness: How to Soothe our Wounded Self.


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There it comes,

Knocking again

Trying to pretend it’s a long-lost friend

It’s here to say hello

But I know it’s more than that

It’s not just a hello…it’s here to take up my entire space

It will lie on my couch

and sleep on my bed

It will distract me from my work

and make me feel like a wreck

So no,

I won’t let it in

Not this time, not ever

And even then I know

It will never leave

It will knock and knock

Until the volume gets louder and louder

Till I can’t ignore it anymore

And then I will have to let it in…


It’s annoying, irritating, frustrating, and excruciatingly painful. This loneliness. This feeling that there is a huge vacuum, a gaping hole in your life that seems like a bottomless pit. Nothing ever fills it up. Nothing ever stays.

This loneliness. This abyss that no one wants to go down into. Yet, somehow we do end up there, and for some, this is what life is.

A deep, dark, endless pit of loneliness. This huge emotional vacuum that sucks up everything that goes into it—happiness, joy, contentment, peace, dreams, and most of all, our sense of being.

Human beings are not meant to operate in a vacuum. We are meant to connect—emotionally, physically, intellectually, and spiritually. We need genuine, warm, loving human connections to grow and thrive and to be the best versions of ourselves.

Simply because isolation is painful. It’s torturous. It dehydrates the soul and robs it of all nutrients that it needs to flourish—love, kindness, compassion, connection, warmth, intimacy, communication.

And when it strikes, we all want to run away as far as we can—hoping that we can leave the pain of being alone, lonely, not understood, not loved, far behind.

But does that really happen?

Sadly, no.

Perhaps, we can run from everything—except our own feelings.

Our feelings are meant to be acknowledged, heard, and felt. We need to do with ourselves exactly what we always expect someone else to do for us.

“Loneliness is proof that our innate search for connection is still intact.” ~ Martha Beck

We need to be there for ourselves in the darkest of days and deepest of sorrows—holding ourselves with kindness and compassion.

Making room for these painful feelings and emotions that aren’t here to trouble us. They are here to tell us that there is a space within us that needs to be filled with only one thing: our own acknowledgement and acceptance with kindness, care, and compassion.

Yes, it’s an extremely warm and nurturing experience to have someone make room for us. But, what should we do when we don’t have someone?

We need to treat ourselves in the same way that we would want someone else to treat us—with gentleness.

We spend so much time fighting and pushing away what’s truly ours—a wounded, hurt, lonely part of us. Thus, making us feel even more lonely.

Only if, we could let loneliness in.

Make a little room.

Let it sit on that couch, knowing that we are there and it’s not alone.

Let it sleep awhile because it’s tired of being lonely.

Let it share its fears and insecurities.

Let it find solace in the fact that we are present to it.

We are there for our own self.

Not rejecting.

Not abandoning.

Simply present.

“Loneliness allows your soul the room to grow.” ~ Janet Fitch



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