September 8, 2021

A Letter to my Sweet, Tender, Sexy Lover.

Dear Sweet, Great, Tender, Sexy Lover,

We, as in my mind, body, and soul would like to take a moment to applaud and recognize all of your accomplishments and achievements. Your outstanding work. Your diligence and tireless devotion to “the cause,” also known as my happy, sexual satisfaction.

First and foremost, thank you for teasing me relentlessly. For making me wait a little bit on purpose so I think about you and “it” and what we’ll do, which only makes me want it more. Your discipline and control and patience are an absolute gift for a gal like me who is used to being gratified instantly by most things in life. It’s a rather sophisticated approach.

You know that when it comes to our sexy time, the buildup matters. Anticipation is the key to keeping things hot and spicy between us. This is one of your greatest strengths, lover.

Also, I really appreciate you for knowing when to back off if I’m feeling tired or sad or overwhelmed or mad. For knowing when to stop the teasing and the relentless pursuit of sexy time when sexy time is not what I want, at that particular moment. Thank you for reading me and respecting me and making me dinner instead of making me turn you down. You know I don’t want to turn you down, lover, but when my head isn’t right, the sexy time is just going to be a going through the motions time,” and who wants that? We don’t want that.

Thank you for knowing that I like a made bed. And more than one pillow to rest my racing head. I like things comfy and coordinated and soft and yummy. It feels wonderful inside those crisp, quality sheets with you. Our love is not slovenly, but we like to get dirty on clean things. 

Thank you for enjoying my imperfect body so that I find some joy in my “perfect as is” body. Thank you for genuinely admiring all my squishy bits and pieces, and touching me in a way that helps me let go of my desire to hide. I don’t want to hide from you, lover. I want you to see and appreciate all of it, but sometimes it’s difficult for me. Thank you for understanding that side of me, and helping me feel beautiful in my skin. When I see myself in your eyes, I feel like a queen. I want you to know that your adoration of my landscape does not go unnoticed. I love you for this. 

Thank you for not asking me to do too many weird things. Enough said. *Side note: I do not enjoy the pinching.

I appreciate you digging in even when I’m nervous about myself, or self-conscious. Thank you for making our sexy time fun, and funny, and sweet. Thank you for making it ours. 

You always seem to know when it’s time to make love and when it’s time to just f*ck it out. How do you know this, lover? It’s wonderfully fresh and unpredictable. You are like a box of chocolates. I never know what I’m going to get. 

Lover, thank you for enjoying my sexual assertions, without making me feel weird or ashamed of it. My hungry pursuit of your body feels natural to me. If we were out in the wild, or roaming free on separate plains, lover, I would surely find you.

Furthermore, I like that you know that sexy time does not solve our problems. It helps to feel connected in that way, but we both know our issues are best discussed with our clothes on, at a table, with a cup of coffee, digesting morning food. The solutions and changes and adjustments within our relationship only come when we listen to each other, when we’re both in it together, and we do the work, not to change each other, but to grow stronger together. 

My continued satisfaction seems to be your mission in life, so for this, I would like to acknowledge and celebrate you. It is clear that you belong here, with me, for as long as we go together like peas and carrots, just like Jenny and Forrest.

I believe in a hefty bonus package, which includes but is not limited to, the following:

White chocolate and cranberry scones, made fresh on Sunday mornings and a few lovingly prepared hot meals each week. I will keep the beer fridge stocked up nice. I will wear the yoga pants even when I’m not doing the yoga. I’ll rub your shoulders and your head when you watch football, but not every time, just sometimes. I will casually bend over to pick up a pen from the floor when I am wearing a short skirt with no panties on and pretend I didn’t do it on purpose. I’ll tease you as much as you tease me. I will give you unlimited access to the lower level, and the upper level of my fleshy presence, as long you do not also enjoy the fleshy home fronts and backyards of others. This is the company policy.

I will also do my best to love you as completely as you love me. I’ll return all the favors, tongue for tongue.

I’ll make you want it, but I won’t push.

Dear sweet, great, tender, sexy lover. 

I’ll keep it hot between us,

and live inside your eyes,

if you’re the gift that keeps on giving,

I’ll be the fire that never dies.


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