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September 7, 2021

There is No Straight Line or Clear-Cut Path to Healing.

 

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Come sit beside me and tell me your pain.

Explain to me what touches you the most. Show me your scars. Tell me the story of how you got them and then tell me how they have healed thus far.

What have you done to heal these scars? Tell me what you think will continue to heal them.

Tell me your dreams. Tell me what you see for yourself, your children, and your grandchildren in the years to come.

Tell me how you are looking deep inside yourself and starting with you to improve the world.

Tell me how we can join hands to take this beyond the deaf ears in the streets.

Sit here beside me, let us make a plan. Write it down. Feel it (really feel it). Embody it!

Imagine that place of peace and healing. Imagine your grandchildren playing in a park, joyfully, with no worries, and full of life. You created this place for them. Imagine that day and take that pride, peace, and change to the world. What does it look like? How have you changed? What does your heart feel like?

Being totally transparent, I have done some deep work over the past six years on my anger, hurt, and pain.

I have read and studied and cried and talked. I take inventory of my heart and soul often. I have been depressed and negative so much over these past years. It was killing me, physically, emotionally, mentally, and it was destroying many relationships.

I have come to the conclusion that I will look on the positive side. I will find something uplifting in every day.

If you want to listen, I will tell you my story and show you my scars. I will share with you how I have been engulfed in rage and destructive behavior. I will tell you that, at the moment, it made me feel powerful and vengeful. But the moments after, I felt shame and regret that I had taken so many steps backward.

I had undone all progress and then also, had to apologize, knowing that this episode of anger was only creating deeper caverns in my relationships. I no longer only had myself to work on, but I had to make amends to those I hurt in my fits of anger and rage. I had to clean up the broken pieces of the physical anger. I even once, broke my own finger in an angry outburst.

And who did that hurt? Myself.

Healing is a slow, painful process that is a twisted path of circling back around, picking up pieces, and leaving the damaged pieces. There is no straight line or clear-cut path to healing.

I know I cannot know your pain. I cannot feel what it is like to be looking through your eyes. I only know it helps to talk, run, read, write, dig, breathe deeply, be alone, be with people who love you unconditionally, climb a tree, make a plan, let go of people who are not holding you up, and reach out to those who want to help you heal.

It is worth it to dig into your soul and determine that you will heal and do the work to make your life better and your children’s lives better.

I will be with you on this path. I will hold your hand if that is what you need. I will let you walk ahead in your need to be with your own thoughts, but I will keep an eye on you from afar, in case you crumble to your knees. I will carry your water and hold your burdens when you need a rest.

Healing is hard, consuming work. But you can do it. I can do it. We can do it.

Please, take my hand, and let’s sit and talk.

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