September 16, 2021

How to Fill the Void after a Breakup.


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After a breakup, one of the things that women sometimes struggle with is how to fill the void.

That inevitable feeling that something is missing haunts you and creates so much pain. After someone is in your life for a period of time, then, all of a sudden, they aren’t, it is incredibly hard to adjust.

Emotions can be all over the place, and feeling at a loss as to what to do to ease the pain is so common. Be gentle with yourself. Usually, there is a mixture of sadness, trying to move on, and trying to fill the void with something to replace what once was.

It is our natural inclination to do this. The brain wants comfort and familiarity. But you didn’t just go through a breakup for life to stay the same, right?

Endings of any kind invite incredible new opportunities, growth, and healing. That does not always feel comfortable and familiar. So before you go on a spree to fill the void and to numb out the loneliness, I invite you to consider a different perspective.

What if you allowed yourself to be present in the void?

Be lonely and sad and unfulfilled? Yes, this is what I invite you to do.

Society tends to glorify being in a relationship and having a social calendar spilling over the brim. I’m not against a full life. But when one unfulfilling relationship after another creates more dissatisfaction, maybe it’s time to just be in the void.

As a life coach, the women I work with are usually at a crossroads with their lives. They are trying to get over an ex in the wake of a string of relationships with very little time in between.

They are tired and ready for a change. They are ready for space to catch their breath, recalibrate, and discover what lights them up and what truly makes them fulfilled.

Hint: it’s usually not the next relationship or random hookup.

They may want a break from dating but don’t know how to be by themselves. They don’t know how to sit in the discomfort of the loneliness.

So if this is you, I see you and feel the pain and emptiness you are experiencing, but before you rush to fill the emptiness with another hookup or unhealthy binge, I invite you to see the void as space.

Space to feel.

Space to breathe.

Space to heal.

Space to expand your capacity to love again.

Space to discover who you truly are.

Space to explore and to get to know yourself again.

Space doesn’t allow for any distractions if you sit in it long enough to listen to what it has to say and what it has to offer.

So instead of resisting the void, ask what it is trying to bring forth?

What has been dying to be expressed within you?

It is in that space where magic begins to unfold.

When you allow yourself to just be in the discomfort of the unfamiliar, eventually you start to experience the truth of who you are. Things begin to open up. All of your talents, creativity, and what you are meant to do and experience in this world begin to blossom. And those are the true things that will fill the void from the inside out.

But you have to allow yourself to be in the void in order to get there.

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