October 3, 2021

Fear is a Motherf*cker.


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My most recent foray into facing the fear that lived in my mind’s eye for almost 40 years was when I was inspired to battle through when I lost a great deal of weight and moved past what I was worried others would think.

I kept that weight off for six years. Then, that same fear brought it all back. My body sits in familiar territory as my mind remembers the freedom of something different.

What holds us back? What sits in the back of our minds watching everything we do and reminding us of what we will never be capable of?

If we were to unleash all of the energy it takes to give in to fear, we would be unstoppable.

If we were to throw it all to the wind and let the holy energy of the universe guide us, we would be living by the purpose that’s meant for us.

Surrender is a tough thing for someone like me who is a “Master Class” control freak. I am the original of living a fear-riddled life. Anxiety, scattered in all directions, trying to be so many things to so many people, except true to myself.

I’m addicted to chaos—the constant distraction to not focus on doing the work.

I could blame circumstance, another person, or make up the best story ever written when it comes to some of the opportunities that I wanted to pursue and didn’t.

It comes down to fear and its best friend—low self-worth.

Those two are tighter than Leia and Luke, Mac n’ Cheese, french fries and ketchup…you get the drift.

One cannot exist without the other. In fact, low self-worth breeds in all kinds of dark spaces. For me, it came out of decades of bullying and childhood trauma. It was a place I hadn’t lived in a long time, however, for reasons, the universe and I know that it had crept back in and made itself back at home for the last five years.

I can only look at the fire I need to walk through and imagine coming out more powerful and healed on the other side. It can only come through putting oneself out to the elements like a flower’s bloom and facing everything that lands on its surface and remaining open to it all.

The storms of life stir the energy and move us in all kinds of directions. Instead of trying to control which way the wind will take us and how the rain will fall, we need to just allow and understand that we are never in control of what is around us. Only what is within us.

That, combined with the vibration we set to release from our instinctive core, sways the energy and comes back to us in magical ways.

Fear is a motherf*cker that is the shade energy; it will always be there and follow us when faced with the light. It is a matter of balance and using fear when it is required, like when we face a grizzly bear or go into that dream job interview. It is meant to be a response to a situation, but so many of us let it flood our brains and bodies and hold us prisoners.



Sharing and staring fear down starts in small moments and gets easier with the bigger things that come along.

Don’t let that motherf*cker hold you back.

Explode onto the world’s scene my sunshine!

Fear not.

You are gold!



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