The way most people have penetrative sex is what we call friction sex.
That’s exactly what it is: skin rubbing against skin. We generally do it harder and faster as the sensation builds to have that explosive, contractive orgasm.
It becomes about more friction, more friction, harder, faster.
It’s the explosion we’re seeking.
When we expand our perspective on this, we come to see that there are so many more possibilities in the experience.
When we begin learning and exploring, we become aware of sensation and energy, of different ways to move and breathe, of different sounds and stillness, of relaxation and surrender.
We let go of goal-oriented sex.
We let go of performance, destination, and achievement.
We open ourselves to sex as a deeper path, an inner path of intimacy with ourselves and our lover.
A path of energy.
A path of spiritual practice.
A path of meeting and knowing ourselves in the light and in the shadows.
There’s a practice I teach that’s a part of this journey; it’s a practice of energy and breathing.
A practice of stillness.
A practice of meditation that ultimately expresses itself in sex.
A practice of deep and subtle pleasure.
A practice of the heart.
In this alone, there is deep healing for men, as our greatest and deepest disconnection is that of heart and lingam.
In this practice, each element is a complete exercise on its own. Take some time with it; connect with yourself, your body, your breath, your energy, your heart, your lingam, and your sexuality.
At this time, you’ll find that a different awareness of sex and pleasure emerges. It takes you beyond the patterning and conditioning, beyond the beliefs you’ve held about sex, about the way it should be, and how you should be as a sexual man.
It allows an expansion into a deeper connection and expression of sexuality—a richer and fuller one. There’s a quality in this that only a heart connection brings.
Let me digress for a moment.
So many women have shared that while practicing this intimacy, there is a great difference when the heart is there.
Without that, as skilled as some men are, there’s an emptiness in sex.
We get so caught up in technique. Learning is great since it can give us so much helpful information, but without the heart, it remains simply information, and there’s a robotic quality to it.
The heart is located somewhere specific. Let’s talk about that a little more deeply.
A big part of the work I do with people is sexual awakening, and there’s been a lot of it coming up lately on many platforms.
The biggest part of this journey is the “awakening of the heart”—I’ll talk more about it later.
This practice, this experience, “penetration of the heart,” begins in your heart with the heart breath.
Put one hand—or both—on the center of your chest.
Become aware of a space deep in the middle of your body—your heart center.
Inhale, and as you breathe in, have the awareness that you’re breathing dive into that space in the middle of your chest.
As you breathe out, exhale from that space.
Slow, deep breaths, without straining the breath.
A good way to do “heart breath” is for five minutes. It connects you to that energy. It’s also calming and centering.
That’s the first part—connecting with your heart.
Then, feel the energy, the sensation, whatever you perceive that to be, in your heart.
As you breathe—as you inhale—become aware of the energy moving down to your lingam.
You may feel a tingling, an awareness of energy or sensation in your genitals.
Feel the energy filling your lingam.
The next step is to breathe the energy out the tip of your lingam, out into the space around you.
Imagine having the awareness of your heart’s energy—in whatever way it’s there—expanding beyond your body. This, on its own, becomes a deep meditation on your sexual energy, on penetrating life, and on making love with life.
You can also do this as a visualization with a lover without them being in the same space—energy sex.
When you’re ready to do this with your lover, it’s a ritual experience.
Create a sensual space.
Greet each other with a “heart salutation.”
Look into each other’s eyes.
When you’re inside of her, connect with your heart and breathe.
Move the energy of your heart to your lingam.
Feel how the energy fills you and expand the energy into her yoni.
Imagine the energy moving through her belly to her heart, penetrating her heart, opening her heart, and making love with her heart.
It can only come from your heart so it can touch hers.
It’s softening for both of you. Energy moves in softness, relaxation, and openness.
It’s vulnerable—deeply vulnerable—as your open heart touches hers.
Take time with each step in this practice, maybe a few days, a week, or even longer.
I’ve written this as a heterosexual experience, and it can be shared with same sex couples as well.
Penetration of the heart.