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Peace of mind is our birthright.

It is the most valuable thing we have because we can be in any situation and approach it from a space of equilibrium if our energy is open to something new—a higher vibrational experience—to appear. When we hold on to thoughts of distress, we get more distress. That is universal law, as thoughts reproduce after their own kind.

So, knowing this, why do the comments and actions of my narcissistic ex still get under my skin and bring up feelings of abandonment? Why do I still allow my energy to be sucked away as surely as a proverbial vampire sucks blood from someone’s neck?

We all have those triggers that render us ineffective and keep us from reaching our full potential. For Superman, it is kryptonite. For me, and maybe for you, our kryptonite is often a feeling or emotion that affects us deeply and triggers some form of fear or inadequacy. Then the fear triggers energy in motion—emotions—which is the information we can use to move forward.

But when we come up against our personal kryptonite, in my case the ex, we get stuck in energy draining thoughts.

What are your green rocks? The things that rob you of your power and drain your ability to be effective? They are all nouns (people, places, and things, including secrets). They all function as triggers stimulated through our five material senses (sight, smell, touch, sound, and taste), and call up thoughts and beliefs that something that happened in the past still has the power to threaten us.

People are our biggest triggers though. For example, have you ever been in a relationship where your significant other makes you feel insecure or insignificant, yet you swear there is a love thing going on? That person is your emotional kryptonite.

Emotional kryptonite causes you to react rashly out of judgement, anger, or self-pity, or any other feeling of self-disempowerment. If loving them feels wrong, it is. But there is something wired in your brain that makes the situation familiar; and the brain leans heavily on the side of the familiar. It takes conscious effort to diminish the power personal kryptonite has over us. But the first step is to recognize it when it shows up.

The good news is that our personal kryptonite points to spaces where we need emotional healing. So instead of keeping the kryptonite locked away in a metal box (never to be experienced by the five senses) and stifling the emotion, we benefit most from examining it. You may find that you carry a few stones of emotional kryptonite. Do not try to address them all at once—that would be traumatic to the brain and put it in overload. Take them one at a time.

6 Helpful Steps to Start:

1. Be self-aware: Identify your kryptonite. Knowing what people, places, or things lower your energy helps you to avoid or mitigate disempowerment.

2. Recognize the feeling when triggered: Even when we cannot catch the trigger in advance, we can learn to recognize the feeling that follows the trigger, with the knowing that it is just a feeling that we can move through in time.

3. Allow yourself to have the experience: Our first instinct is to stifle the unwanted emotion. Yet we choose how to respond when we use feelings as indicators rather than dictators. Observe the feeling. Then feel it: be sad, angry, or anxious for that moment.

4. Have compassion for yourself: And for the person or situation causing the feeling. Something happened to create this trigger. Ask yourself what the cause is, and if you are you ready to heal from it. Everyone has issues, but it takes emotional intelligence to manage them with grace.

5. Pause: In the pause is the opportunity to rewire your brain for a new response—rather than an unthinking reaction. Getting to pause takes practice, so be patient. Like a muscle memory, personal kryptonite is imbedded and automatic.

6. Counterbalance: What is your spinach? Like Popeye, there are things we can do to make ourselves strong. Allow the energy of the superman/woman you are to flow through. Meditation, visualization, deep breathing, and exercise are all good tools.

So yes, the “ex” may still get to me at times; yet knowing that he just serves as a trigger to my emotional kryptonite of abandonment allows me to look at what is really going on. It truly is not him—it is me. I can counterbalance and do the work to progressively heal from issues of abandonment. Kryptonite diffused.

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