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Some days, I slip into a different world.
You can see me in front of you
You can see me functioning like a normal person
You see me laugh, talk, take care of you.
What you don’t see is,
I have gone away somewhere to another world
I have become quiet inside
I have given in to all the exhaustion I feel
I have come to terms with a lot of things inside.
Some days, I slip into another world
You can see me in front of you
Don’t worry, I’ll come out of it soon
Maybe next day
You will actually see me in front of you.
As alarming and negative as this sounds, this is an innate need for many of us who have a lot going on in their life. Correction, this is an innate necessity for some of us who struggle with keeping up with positivity and hope.
I have long wanted to write about such a sensitive issue, but I could never find the words. Possibly because this is one topic that in a lot of ways is tough to discuss with everyone. You really have to find your tribe who gets it. And writing about it briefly is just not enough, but there needs to be a starting point.
Watching a marvelous series that hits so close to home in so many ways, I have realised that tough situations make strong people. And strong people should never be ashamed of anything.
The series, “The Maid” on Netflix completely blew my mind. The description of struggle, both in relationships and mental health, was so beautifully shown.
The fact that you can be having your worst day, and yet if you are responsible for someone, you make a point to get up and move on. Or the countless mornings you spend lying in bed for that extra 10 minutes because you just want to get up and be there for yourself, for your family, for your friends, and for your work. You want to be this amazing person who can perform all their duties and spread love and joy to everyone.
What I keenly took away from this series, among many personal lessons, was the demonstration of a depressive episode. How the protagonist slides into a pit of darkness symbolically and stays there while her physical self was out in the world, fulfilling her duties.
To me, seeing this was like a God-sent example of how it is so normal to be both struggling and yet being there for people. How it is okay to not love yourself but you still immensely love some people in your life. How it is okay to feel like disappearing but you hang on because there is love in this world for you.
The innate desire to keep some part of ourselves in the dark until we are ready to come out is beautiful in its own way. It takes immense strength and perseverance, too. To take a minute to accept and appreciate our disposition and go about the day productively.
I see so many strong people around me who wake up and keep going. I see them take a moment and zone out just to come back calmer. I see their efforts in keeping their home and mind clutter-free. I see them, and I understand that the biggest achievement of a person when they feel like nothing is to make consistent efforts to turn everything around them into something nice.
To everyone who faces this, I just want to say that you are truly amazing. Keep believing in yourself.
For there is immense light within you.