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In many of the workshops and lessons I’ve been facilitating lately, and over the time I’ve been teaching, I’ve seen something in many men.

Regardless of what the workshop or experience is about, it becomes about the cock, the penis, the erection, the touch, penetration, orgasm. There’s an urgency, a desperation in the way it’s expressed. Everything else is forgotten in that moment. It seems as if there’s a switch that goes on—from zero to hyperdrive in a moment—and whatever else we’re doing is switched off.

There might have been intimacy and connection; there might have been an open heart; there might have been a stillness, a quietness, an inner awareness of energy.

And in a moment, it’s all focused in one place, in one need.

And that by itself is interesting.

It becomes a need, not a want or desire—a hip-pumping need.

In the worlds of healing and growth, of learning about ourselves, we talk about the fact that we’re not our emotions, we’re not our thoughts, we’re not our bodies.

In this instance, I’d say that you are not your penis. And your sexuality is not your penis.

It may have become that, and it may seem that that’s all there is in the moment. But there’s more.

A whole lot more, worlds of possibility more.

Worlds of sensation and feeling more.

Worlds of energy more.

Worlds of connection more.

The answer is not in the mind, although that’s a part of it.

The answer is not in the penis, although that’s a part of it.

The answer is in the heart.

It’s in the relationship we have with ourselves, our bodies, our sexuality.

Your penis, your orgasm, your desire for penetration are beautiful. There’s so much in that fire.

It’s just a limited fire, maybe even a small fire, when we look at what it might be if we allow ourselves a little more.

I look at my own sexual journey and how it’s deepened and expanded over time, from this physical hunger to so many different experiences, awareness, and energies. And here’s something interesting.

Our sexuality, that of men and of women, is deeply connected.

Our sexuality and our relationship to life, the world, and Mother Earth are deeply connected.

When we as men keep ourselves in this controlling, explosive orgasm model, we keep our partners in the same place.

And we do the same to life, to the earth. That hunger for the quick release of orgasm, that explosion in the dark, is much of what we’ve been doing to the earth, and not in a nice way. But, that’s a deeper story for another day.

I talk a lot about how my sexuality, relationship, love, and pleasure are about me. We talk about how a conscious relationship is about growth.

Our sexuality is the same. It can stay on the level of a 20-second orgasm, or it can become about a journey of exploration, discovery, experience, expansion, and possibility. In the magnificence of this penis, of this erection, of this ejaculation, of this orgasm, is such endless, wonderful possibility.

It’s about a relationship of deeper awareness, consciousness with my sexual body, my sexual mind, my sexual heart, and my sexual energy. It’s not taking away from us; it’s expanding.

We’ve got (been given, developed, whatever you choose) this amazing sexual apparatus. We can scratch the surface of it, feel a little bit of friction, have a taste, or we can have the banquet, a feast of our senses, in every way.

A big part of my work with men is helping with erection and ejaculation issues.

Something is fascinating in this.

You have to soften to be able to be hard, sexually.

In this picture of expanding, deepening our sexuality and pleasure, we have to soften into our hearts, into space, to be more focused, more directed in the expression of energy. Like so many spiritual practices, it’s the opposite of what we think it is. More sexual power, and pleasure, come from places deeper within us, expressed in our penises.

And then we see them more as Lingam, a sacred expression containing all of our sexuality—the fire, water, Earth, and space. Tenderness, love, passion, gentleness, hard, driving, opening. And then, and then, orgasm, full-body orgasms. Orgasms that shoot electric energy throughout the whole body, shaking, trembling orgasms. Orgasms that take us to deeper, expanded states of consciousness.

Orgasms that are spiritual experiences.

There’s life, there’s creativity, there’s vitality, there’s intimacy, there’s joy, celebration, love.

We’re more, so much more, than this quick arousal turn-on that becomes desperate.

Take a breath.

Take a breath into possibility.

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