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Earlier this week I had a special coffee date with my adult daughter.
We live several provinces apart. Thanks to technology, we are able to connect face-to-face and visit. We are 24 years apart in age and at different life stages—and we both offer each other wisdom. This visit, while I was sharing my day and my week, it was brought to my attention that I have a scarcity mindset. I challenged this thought and suggestion, first with my daughter, and later with myself.
The truth is that I do! I’m not sure if it’s from my exposure growing up with a grandmother who lived through the great depression, or my own life struggles.
My daughter shared some wise suggestions, which I believe can be transformative in all domains of one’s life:
>> Live from a place of abundance.
We have more than we realize, but when we hold onto what we don’t have, our focus is on lack. This can be applied to business, money, relationships, and love.
This is a really hard one for me as a single mother who struggled for a long time. I realize though that there were moments when I did practice this rule—and when I have practiced this, I felt different.
“The debt that you have is because of all that you have,” is another wise statement uttered from my daughter’s lips. Focus on what you have to pay it off and watch the abundance grow. I am working on this one daily. Life from abundance is abundance and it’s transformational.
>> Believe in your worth.
I have done tons of work for free for many years, and I am not talking volunteering, which is something different. Knowing our value has nothing to do with pro bono work—it is knowing that everything we do and our time are valued because we are of great value.
>> Write everything out each and every day and you will see all that you are accomplishing—you will see transformation.
This is a big takeaway. I am a writer and even I find this task daunting. We create the life we want each and every day, and there is power in the written word.
My daughter gifted me a day-timer for New Year, and this is my dedication to 2022. As a creative, I can be flighty and whimsical—I need grounding. I cannot wait to dig into this and create mindfully.
>> Let go of what isn’t yours and what you don’t need to carry.
I added this one. I am empathic and need to remind myself of this each and every day—especially now. The messages, phone calls, and struggles of other people can weigh me down. I remind myself that I don’t need to carry and hold the pain of others.
How does this relate to scarcity? We can find ourselves gravitating to a scarcity mindset when life gets heavy.
>> Scarcity is really fear, and this is a powerful force.
Fear holds us down and back in our lives. Fear sends us into either fight or flight, or makes us freeze. The frozen state is the worst and takes some time to get out of. If you grew up in poverty, experiencing fear, and wondering where your next meal was coming from, this may be deeply ingrained, and even passed on generationally.
>> Stand up for yourself.
Oh, I struggle with this big time and avoid conflict. I will eat the bad meal, suck up the poor customer service, and move on and let go. Do we really let go though, or do we internalize our grievances?
Providing feedback on poor service, or expressing when we’re disappointed in relationships with others, can be done in a helpful, productive, and growth mindset kind of way. Business owners are often happy when we let them know where and how they can improve. Interpersonally, we need to share with others when we are upset, or when they have hurt us, for this helps change and transform the relationship. Communication provides an opportunity for healing and mending within relationships.
While you may now see the benefits of avoiding a scarcity mindset in relation to business and finances, you might be thinking how does this relate to love?
A scarcity mindset greatly impacts one’s love life for many reasons. When we focus on what we don’t have, a loving partner for example, we are focusing on the lack. There are 7.9 billion people in the world, and there is someone for everyone if that is what is desired.
If we imagine our life being better or more satisfactory once we are partnered again, we are failing ourselves and others, for this is the “destination trap.” To break free, it is recommended that one imagines that one has already “arrived,” and love is here.
The greatest relationship we can have is with ourselves, and it is the foundation for a stable relationship with others.
This all sounds lovely doesn’t it? Sound easy? If you are responding with a “nada” or a “nope,” I agree. Let’s face it, change is hard. It takes time and baby steps. The great news is that it’s never too late.
I’m so grateful for coffee dates, even if virtual, and for the wise words of my daughter. I think that admitting that we struggle in this area is a start. I now see what she sees, and I value her entrepreneurial wisdom. I’m grateful for my daughter’s unconditional love, and I accept her feedback and suggestions.
I’m ready to break free from this scarcity mindset, or at least give it my best shot! How about you?