January 22, 2022

Older Woman, Younger Man Relationships: Why the Judgement?

“I know there is a difference in our ages, but who cares? My soul has no idea how old your soul is.”


I’m a little annoyed!

Actually, I’m pretty pissed because, for some reason in 2022, there is still stigma and judgement where there are age-gap relationships. And they are glaringly obvious when the woman is older than the man.

I read something today about celebrity age-gap relationships. The article discussed 15 relationships, 14 of them were older men and younger women and one was an older woman and younger man. Madonna was the woman discussed in the article and the comments were scathing.

There were a few nasty comments about some of the men, particularly where there was a significant age gap of 30 or more years, but overwhelmingly, the comments were an attack on the only older woman, younger man relationship discussed.

And I have to say it riled me up because a woman is more than her age and her appearance. Why wouldn’t a younger man, or any man for that matter, be attracted to an intelligent, creative, talented woman?

Of course, there’s no doubt some of these relationships may not be authentic. Perhaps there’s the wealth, celebrity, and status that comes with an older celebrity, or even an older, financially secure person. But inauthentic relationships and being with someone for the wrong reasons can happen no matter the age. My personal point of view is if they are two consenting adults, quite frankly, it’s none of our damn business.

I have to admit this dynamic is personal to me. I did, in fact, have a relationship with a man quite a bit younger than myself, and I can tell you it definitely had nothing to do with money. For me, our souls connected and our energy was pretty much in sync.

I did, of course, have concerns about the age gap, but he seemed to have little concern. It was a deeply passionate relationship, an incredibly powerful connection, and we matched on many levels. I would argue that it’s not always about the physical age, but rather our energies and how they align. Some people are young at heart and others are older at heart. I enjoy adventure, keeping active, laughing until I cry, intellectual conversation, intimacy, and fun, and so did he.

But back to the article, why did poor Madonna cop a barrage of hateful, nasty comments, yet Mick Jagger didn’t? Because men are seen as virile when they find themselves a younger woman, but women are seen as desperate or “cougars” if they are with a younger man. Could there be a more derogatory term? We continue to live in such a misogynistic society. We also, unfortunately, live in a somewhat ageist society.

What if two people simply love each other regardless of their age gap? What if life works for them and they are happy? Why does there always have to be judgement on physicality? Are we really that shallow? Let people live their lives without the constant need to bloody judge them.

The people who feel they have the right to judge about age will also judge about looks (ever heard the comment “wow, she’s punching well above?”). What’s next? Judging those who have disabilities because they are with an able-bodied partner? What happens when one of these shallow people get married and their partner is in an accident and disfigured? Do they just leave? You see, when you feel it’s not only okay but your right to judge others, there are no limits. Let’s just respect people and keep our nasty judgements to ourselves.

Would I have a relationship with another younger man? I don’t know. If I meet someone I connect with and we are enjoying each other, then maybe. Would I have a relationship with an older man? No idea. If I meet one and we connect and enjoy each other, then maybe.

I believe in living with an open heart and letting my energy and my soul connect with others rather than categorising people by physical attributes—including age. Some women love older men and some women love younger men. Some men love older women and some men love younger women. Our unique energy and essence will attract partners to us—and who knows how old they will be?

The longevity of these relationships is really nobody else’s business. If they don’t last, does it matter? The two people involved will determine the success of their connection, whether it was long or short. Maybe it only lasted six months, but what if those six months were an amazingly beautiful six months?

Longevity does not determine the success of a relationship—there are plenty of miserable, long-term relationships.

Age does not determine the success of a relationship—there are plenty of miserable couples without an age gap.

As a woman who was pursued by a younger man and ultimately fell in love with a younger man, I can honestly say it was just two people who collided and connected. We had many beautiful moments, and we both learnt a lot. Age wasn’t a factor in our relationship ending. Could it have become an issue down the track? Possibly. Relationships are complex, and they can be hard work. Age gaps are maybe a challenge, but they don’t have to define a relationship.

I would love to think in 2022 that we have evolved as a society and as individuals and we can allow people to live the life they choose to live. We can allow consenting adults to make their partner choices. Just because you don’t like or aren’t attracted to a particular age of a person doesn’t mean another isn’t. That’s the beauty of us humans; we are all different and have different tastes, opinions, energies, and open-mindedness.

Sometimes we meet someone, the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time, and we find ourselves connecting in the most unexpected ways. Sometimes we find ourselves unexpectedly in love. Sometimes this most unexpected person becomes our person.

And sometimes our ages do not align. Can society finally accept the older woman, younger man relationship? Can age really just be a number?





Read 24 Comments and Reply

Read 24 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Michelle Schafer  |  Contribution: 114,170

author: Michelle Schafer

Image: Kinga Cichewicz/Unsplash

Editor: Elyane Youssef